I am running

* I know there are probably typos and other grammatical errors in this, but deal with it.
* All persons represented in this story are fiction. Anybody in this story relating to a real person was completely coincidental and unintentional.


I am running.
running away.
why?
well the reason behind my actions will become all too clear later.
i am running.
running.
running.
stop. breathe.
running .
running faster
i look back.
is he still there?
yes.
gaining ground as i am attempting to locate him
i turn a corner.
narrowly miss getting pummeled by that pick-up.
this is dangerous.
but have i got a choice? no.
so i continue to run.
run.
breathe.
run.
run.
so there i am, dashing about the busy streets.
blood pulsing.
i can hear my heart beat through my ears.
why is my heart so loud?
why can i hear it now?
what exactly is my blood comprised of?
how does it carry medicine?
or oxygen to my organs?
and my legs, which are allowing me to escape from the impending danger.
what exactly happens when you get an 'infection'?
does it really tear away at your tissue?
or is that just a clever metaphor?
stop.
this is no time for pondering life's imponderables.
my thoughts are still racing.
is he still there?
have i lost him?
no. he is right there.
i was sure i had lost him.
he is always right there.
i cannot escape.
i am being suffocated.
by my own doubt.
all of this was my fault.
i cannot blame any of it on sarah anymore.
if only i hadn’t cared.
if only i hadn’t stayed that extra minute.
if only i had listened to her...
but all of that is over now.
my decision has been made and cannot be changed now.
do i wonder what life would have been like if i hadn’t changed my decision at the last minute?
sure.
but i can’t experience it now.
not now, not ever.
i long every now and then for somebody to accept me for who i am.
every part of me.
me, myself and i.
accept me for me.
for my genuine self.
not because i give them things.
or because i have things i could give to them.
well i have nothing now that anyone would want.
i haven’t for as long as i can remember.
how long ago is that?
i don't know.
my mind is to clouded with the situation at hand.
which is a good thing, mind you.
i turn my attention back to running.
run.
run.
run.
watch out for that pole.
run.
breathe.
stop, breathe.
no, don't stop! he's right behind you.
run.
run faster.
i can almost hear him breathing down my back.
but that isn't possible.
he would have grabbed me if he were that close.
surely he would have...
but what if he were really that close and hadn't bothered?
he would have slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle my screams.
i have had this strange phenomenom
of my fears being imaginatively materialized.
to the point at which i am huddled in a corner screaming at an invisible fiend.
it does not oppose any danger to me
only i can see it
i do not know what it wants
and i surely don't want to stick around to find out.
the same thing, i am sure, was happening now.
i only hope that is what's happening now...
i am sure that i feel his hand on my shoulder.
i try to shake it loose.
it doesn't bulge.
it tightens its grip.
i try to scream, but only silent yelps come out of my muted mouth.
i reach my hand out and touch my face.
his hand is not there.
i flick my hand across both my shoulders.
nothing.
i breathe a sigh of relief.
but he is still close by, so i cannot let my guard down.
i turn another corner.
BREATHE!!
run. run.
i almost didn't see that car.
i jolt to the left just in time.
run.
breathe.
run.
run.
THUD!!
BAM!
i keep running.
apparently he didn't see that car either.
i laugh to myself, but this is not time for celebration.
i run faster.
harder.
sprint.
breathe!
i can feel my blood pumping faster.
more adrenaline is racing to my heart as i risk my life running through the streets.
run.
run.
how did i end up like this?
run.
run.
breathe.
he is back on my trail.
run.
run.
i step over a crumpled newspaper cast aside by some careless being waiting for the bus.
it makes a crinkly sound underneath my feet.
no more than 5 seconds later did i hear the newspaper crinkle beneath his feet.
he is gaining on me.
i am losing time.
losing patience.
losing energy.
losing this battle.
losing blood flow to my head...
thoughts becoming cluttered...
i cannot cling to consiousness any longer...
but i must.
for the fate of my sister.
of my little brother.
of my neighbor.
of my best friend.
the only one i'd come close enough to.
the only one who'd accept me for who i was.
the only one who hadn't been scared away when i'd revealed my true self.
the only one who didn't expect things from me.
anything that was obviously beyond my window of capacity.
the only one i could spill my heart out to.
the only one she trusted with her deepest darkest secrets.
the only one who was there when i was sobbing in my room.
the only one who saw past what everyone else couldn't
the only one who treated me as equal.
the only one... keeping me alive.
the only one... i would not be alive today if it weren't for her.
no, she is not the sarah i was talking about before.
sarah is evil, in my opinion.
an evil that has done all the evil it could muster.
an evil that is done being evil...
an evil that wanted to help me...but i had refused it...
an evil that had killed my parents.
killed my other 'friends'.
killed my dreams.
wrecked my relationships.
killed my hopes, my goals, everything i had pulled close to me...
an evil that would have destroyed all of that in a heartbeat without thinking twice.
an evil that had to be stopped.
an evil that was not good.
a good evil that i had not come to terms with.
a good evil i did not want to believe in.
a good evil that tried to help me...
but i did not want its help.
it told me where to go, what to do, who to do it to, but i didn't listen...
this is the sarah i was talking about.
the sarah that blew everything i had built up into smithereens.
the sarah i had promised myself i would some day destroy.
the sarah who wanted to help me...
the sarah who could have changed my life if only i had listened to her...
but i didn't.
and like i said, it's over.
what i know now would have helped me before.
it is as plain as day.
if only...back then i knew what i know now, all of this could have been avoided.
all of it.
all of the lying
the scheming,
the plotting,
the invasivness,
the blackmailing,
the backstabbing...
my life would be like any other child's...
i would have grown up in an as-close-to-perfect-as-possible environment,
i would have went to school, got an education...
i would have had that important social experience...
i would have went to highschool...
which would have led me in the right path...
straight to college...
where i would have grown up.
where i would have matured.
where i would have learned to stand on my own.
where i would have learned how cold the world really was.
i would have learned to deal with it.
to get used to it.
because life doesn't make adjustments to fit your needs.
i would have learned all of that.
i would have done so with my friends.
i would have found that thing i was good at.
and i would have nurtured it
i would have made it grow
i would have made it grow and progress into something i could only have dreamed of...
gotten a job...
been successful...
i would have had an entirely new outlook on life...
but none of that is even remotly possible now.
because of that evil.
that evil that makes my blood pressure rise.
that evil that makes me cringe at the slightest hint of its name.
that evil that destroyed everything...
everything...
except those it could not.
the only one who truly was there for me...
the only one....
only...
only...
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my mother would still be here
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my mother would still be here...
to care for me.
to tell me, "it's okay honey..."
to laugh at the funny things in life
to share my experiences with...
to be everything a mother is supposed to be...
to be...
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my father would still be here
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my father would still be here...
to care for me.
to chase away the monsters in my closet.
to make crude jokes i laugh at then but later make fun of with my friends.
to be a father.
to be everything in life that no body else can be...
to be the missing part of me...
to be part of that missing part...
to help mend the wound...
if only...back then i knew what i know now...
casey would still be alive
jacob would still be alive
emily would still be alive
saza would still be alive
mr. james would not be a widower...
kate would have a baby brother...
ms. kinkle would no longer mourn everyday over the loss of her beloved sister...
if only...
but everything i wish to be undone cannot be undone.
not anymore.
sarah gave me my chance.
sarah warned me
thousands upon thousands of times
how great the mistake i would make was
but i refused her gift.
this was when i still believed she was evil.
this was back when she stole everything i had.
everything i had come to love.
everything i knew was mine.
everything i had thought could not be removed.
everything...
THUD!!
the loud crash brings be back to reality.
i realize again that i am running from him.
who am i running from?
i don't remember...
i've been running for so long...
my legs are tired...
but i cannot give up now.
not now,
not ever.
until everybody i let down is safe again.
safe...
safe...
safe from the evil...
safe from the evil that supposedly used to be sarah...
safe from the evil that is supposed to be good now...
safe from the evil i will never trust...
safe from...
from...
just safe.
run. run.
turn the corner.
sprint, sprint.
run.
breathe.
he is still right behind me.
why hasn't he run out of breath yet??
how is he still right behind me?
why doesn't he just give up already?
breathe.
run.
i am sure that i can hear him breathing.
no, it's just my imagination.
but...
but......
oh...
oh no...
that feeling...
that horrible feeling...
that turns slightly pleasent just as i pass out.
that feeling i get when i've been drugged
which has happened to me a couple of times.
but i have been running, all of this time
how could i have been drugged?
did i stop for a snack?
no, impossible.
he's been right behind me for all of this time.
or for at least all that i can remember.
and i can remember every minute of it, as lucid and vivid as ever.
so when was i drugged?
when?
what did i do right before that phone call?
right before...
that phone call...
that sent me spiraling downward...
that phone call...that freaked me out...
that phone call...right before the crash...
right before i took off running into the streets...
with him following me.
how?
how..?
how...
what had i done right before i darted out the door?
had i eaten something?
no, i didn't do that
i know because my stomache has been grumbling for the past hour.
but what had i done??
what?
what...
what....
suddenly i know how i had been drugged.
that last sip of water
that marsha had been nagging me to drink all evening.
my throat was dry and i figured what the heck.
i should have figured otherwise.
marsha never nags me to do something unless there's a catch.
what was the catch?
help kill me and share the fame and glory?
she would never do that.
unless...
someone threatened her...
what would they threaten her with?
who would do that?
who could be so heartless?
who would want to rid the world of me so badly?
who?
who...
why...
who......
who.........
only one name popped up in my head: sarah.
i knew she was evil.
i just knew it.
i just know it...
you can't just wake up one day and be all "i think i'm not going to be evil anymore".
that's not how it goes.
but why would she want to rid the world of me?
she already got everything she wanted...
i knew there were things that meant more to marsha than me...
so sarah must have threatened her with one of them.
threatened her to make me drink her poisoned water.
threatened to destroy the things the held very near and dear to her heart...
what a heartless women.
now i'm not so sure about sarah.
now i am not so sure that she suddenly became good.
i was the only one who didn't believe her kind act.
and i am more glad than ever that i didn't.
what would have happened if i had believed her and went to that shop with her?
would she have killed me there?
she already got everything she wanted!
everything that was mine.
everything...
everything...
how selfish.
what more could she have possibly wanted?
she had told me to my face that i no longer had anything she could have wanted to possess.
except...
except...
except for jamie.
jamie...
the only one who accepted me for who i was.
me, myself, and i.
my genuine self.
the only who who could see past all of my faults
to the lonly person inside that just wanted a person to share their life with.
not like that, but you know what i mean.
someone to be there for you when just yourself wasn't enough anymore.
how could sarah do that?
why did she want to do that?
why?
why??
why....
of course: sarah wanted to get rid of me so she could have a friend like jamie.
a friend who pushed me to do my best when i had pretty much lost all hope
a friend who was there for me when myself wasn't enough
a friend who gave me a shoulder to cry on
a friend who celebrated the good times with me
a friend...
a good friend...
who didn't care what i was wearing, what i looked like...
a friend who just wanted to be around me...
for me...
well sarah, there's a better way you could have gotten a friend like jamie.
a way that didn't involve ridding the world of me!!
run...
slower...
breathe...
walk....
.....
.....
breathe....
crawl.....
consiousness...
is it worth clinging to?
...
...
is it?
...
...
for jamie...
...
...
no.
i fight back the urge to collapse on the ground with all my strength.
it's not working...
i'm losing...
eh.....
no! i can't give up!
if i do what will happen to jamie...
and i of course can't let sarah get away with this.
i can't...
no....
.
i can no longer feel my legs.
they have gone numb.
so have by arms.
and feet
and hands
and face.
now i can't feel anything.
the pain from running for a couple odd hours disappears.
the pain of losing pretty much everything i had vanishes.
the pain of watching my life drift away from me while i couldn't do anything about it dissolves.
everything...
all of the pain...
the sobbing...
the misery...
the heartache...
the longing....
is suddenly gone.
...
it's gone....
i wait a few seconds to see if it was just a fluke and my real life catches up to me.
nothing.
i wait a few more seconds.
nope.
all of the pain and suffering is gone.
gone...
how nice...
.....
i am sure i felt a faint smile wipe across my face.
surely by now the man chasing me is baffled by why i haven't dropped dead on the ground.
surely by now he is in disbelief.
surely...
i haven't looked back at him for who knows how long.
i only caught a glimpse of him outside my house before i took off running
and it was not pretty.
where am i anyway?
i look around.
nope, nothing looks familiar.
where did i go?
how did i get this far?
i am so deep in thought that i almost run into another car.
i jump, with miniscule hope that i will gain enough air to clear the vehicle.
increduously, i do and land on the other side of it.
run.
run.
breathe.
THUD!!!!
BAM!!!
i keep running.
apparently my pursuer isn't good with dodging objects in his way.
run.
run.
sprint.
breathe.
slow down...
run faster.
sprint
breathe...
breathe...
breathe...
run....
breathe.........
is this for real?
or just my mind playing tricks on me?
i no longer hear the pounding footsteps behind me.
he is gone.
for real?
i keep running.
minutes pass.
i am still running.
i am not taking any chances.
i run.
run.
breathe.
dodge that pole.
run.
sill i hear no footsteps.
i take this oppertunity to glance back.
he is not there.
nothing is there.
nothing except the cars and people walking about.
none of the people is him.
he is no longer there.
nothing...
joy fills me.
i am free.
i say to myself.
i am free.
i mutter out loud.
I. Am. Free. i say out loud.
i don't shout it out for the entire world to hear, for fear that he is just hiding and i don't see him.
is it safe to stop running?
no.
run.
run.
breathe.
i run for about another half hour.
by now i am probably a half of a mile away from him.
i look back.
it is daylight.
business men with briefcases.
business women with serious looks on their faces.
regular suburban people.
walking around.
i am free.
i am safe.
i finally conclude that it is safe to stop running.
but just to be safe, i head into a police station.
i sit there, in the waiting room, catching my breath.
all the events of last night buzz in my head
i try to sort out what really happened as i am aproached by a uniformed women and asked to state my reason of presence.
"i-i'm just... i just need to think. i will leave if i am bothering you"
i reply to her.
she shakes her head no, then politely nods and returns to her desk.
i go back to thinking.
oh no...
there's that feeling again...
that feeling...
i get right before i pass out.
well...since i am in a police station...
what could go wrong...
so i ponder my decisions through my last few seconds of conciousness.
"it's not worth clinging to anymore..." i tell myself.
then i am out like a light.
...
...
i wake up god knows how much later,
in a hospital bed.
i look around.
the door is open
medically clothed people are shuffling past my door, not glancing in
i can tell that this hospital is pretty busy now.
i am glad that they have made room for me.
the room is empty
except for a nurse.
she is standing by a beeping monitor
scribbling something onto a clipboard.
i try to see what she is writing
but as soon as my eyes adjust to the distance she abruptly puts down the clipboard
she looks my way
she is stunned that i am awake.
she dashes out into the hall.
she calls out a name, but i can't quite make out who it is.
a doctor comes in.
he walks over to me.
he pulls out a small flashlight and examines my eyes with it.
he flashes it into both of my eyes, one after the other
by the expression on his face, i can tell that i have done well with this 'test'
i can also tell that he is awe stuck at the fact that i am even awake, as was the nurse.
"hello, my name is doctor stribridge." the man introduces.
"this is my assistant, nurse kayla"
dr. stribridge says as he points to the clipboard woman.
"tell me dear, do you remember anything?" dr. stribridge asks me.
"well i-" i begin, a little confused
"i mean, what was the last thing you remember doing?" he interrupts me.
"i...the last thing i remember was...i was in a police station, and a women came up to me and asked what i was doing there" i begin again
"ah, officer smith" dr. stribridge comments
"ok... then officer smith went back to her desk...and i think i passed out after that" i conclude
"yes, yes. you sure did" dr. stribridge replies.
"officer smith is the one who called us after she saw you had passed out"
"wh-what day is it?" i ask, still confused
"it's wednesday, dear" nurse kayla says sweetly.
wednesday?!?
"what?? how long was i asleep??" i ask
dr. stribridge and nurse kayla exchange wearily glances before they nod.
"well," dr. stribridge begins
"you've been in a coma. for--3 months" nurse kayla finishes.
i sit there stunned
a coma?
three months???
how?
from the drugs?
"we ran some tests and figured out that you were poisoned." he adds.
oh
figures.
sarah...
"then, a young gal named sarah-" he begins
oh no.
she must have come when i was in the coma and stolen my liver or something.
"-a sweet little girl named sarah"
he continues.
i roll my eyes
"...well sarah came, saw you were in the coma, and smiled a bit." he adds, unsteadily
figures.
"then...she left a message for us to give you when--if you woke up" nurse kayla adds.
i raise my head.
a message?
probably that she would try to kill me later...
"we told her we weren't sure if you would ever wake up... but she was strongly pursuaded that you would, for some reason..." nurse kayla continued
"we-aren't really sure what the message means, but maybe you will understand it" dr. stribridge added.
"wh-what is the message?" i manage to get out before i gently lay my head back on the pillow.
dr. stribridge and nurse kayla exchange wearily glances once more
as if to say, 'this all was a mistake.'
'we shouldn't have told her about the message in the first place'
"the message was:" dr. stribridge begins
nurse kayla reaches over to her clipboard and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from the bottom of the stack of paper.
she hands it to me.
"well, it's all right there." he replies.
and with that, he and nurse kayla left the room leaving me in a pool of thoughts.
all of those thoughts i knew would be answered once i read the note.
did i want to read it?
what would happen if i read it?
"oh, and your parents are out in the waiting room.
poor things.
have been worried sick about you.
i shall go inform them of your awakening. be back in a few" dr. stribridge says from the doorway
my parents?
that's not possible...
maybe they're imposters...
sent by sarah to kill me.
right...
but how?
what if they're...real??
but my parents can't be alive!
more unanswered questions.
i looked down at the note in my hands.
everything i could ever want to know was probably contained in that note.
i opened it up, hands shaking as they moved.
it was sarah's handwriting.
i could recognize it anywhere; it was very distinctive.
it was kind of scribbled, so i had a little trouble deciphering the first few words.
after that, it was easy.
"I am sincerely sorry.
Very sincerely sorry.
From the bottom of my heart, a heart of which to you is surely nonexistant.
I know I have caused you many hardships.
I am sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know you won't forgive me from a stupid letter, so I have done more.
I have given you back everything.
Everything that I took from you.
Everything.
I have given you back your mother.
I have given you back your father.
Your childhood.
Your best friend, not to replace Jamie.
Your siblings.
Your memories.
Your emotions.
Everything I wrongfuly took from you.
Everything...
Everything I took from you in hopes to make you more miserable.
More miserable, for a reason I do not know why.
I thought it would make me happy, seeing how you were enjoying all of it so much.
I have learned now that I was wrong.
Stealing everything you had didn't make me happy.
In fact, it made me worse.
A more unbearable person.
Each day goes by and I hate myself more than the last for what I have done to you.
I know you think I am a heartless person, but I am not.
I just had a momentary lapse of judgement.
What's yours is yours, and what was never mine will remain not mine.
I am very sorry.
I am...
so sorry for everything I did to you...
Watching you go on with life...not giving up...when you had nothing.
Not even a penny to your name...
I thought I had stolen everything from you.
Everything...
But I was wrong.
I had not stolen your humanity.
Your emotions.
The things you had that let you go on day after day.
Even when you had nothing.
Or so I thought.
Then you found Jamie.
I had longed my entire life for a friend to treat me the same way as Jamie treated you.
I tried to take that from you as well, and it ended...lets just say not too well.
I learned from you.
If only I had followed your example from the beginning...
Not taken the path that I will forever regret taking...
I am sorry.
My hopes are low that you will forgive me, but I hope you do.
I am sorry.
-Sarah"
tears were welling in my eyes.
i knew sarah was evil to some extent, but i never expected her to do this for me.
i read the letter over once more
but didn't get even half way through it before my parents were standing beside me.
my parents.
the ones sarah had taken from me all those years back...
the ones i had pretty much grown up my entire life without.
the ones i had missed all of my life.
the ones... i loved.

it must have been 20 minutes before we finally let go of each other.
to them, it was just me waking up from a 3 month coma.
to me, it was a reunion after what had seemed a lifetime.
i missed them so much.
they did not know what i had gone through.
but why did i sill have my memory?
why did i remember all the horrible things sarah did to me, but no one else knows?
more unanswered and unanswerable questions.
but for now, i am just happy.
happy...
happy...
together...
unified with my parents...
and i know nothing can take it away from me.
not even sarah.

THE END

© Copyright 2008 Victoria Welch [F.I.I.M. Productions]