Difficulty: Chaotic (Hard++)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
I am running
* I know there are probably typos and other grammatical errors in this, but deal with it.
* All persons represented in this story are fiction. Anybody in this story relating to a real person was completely coincidental and unintentional.
I am running.
running away.
why?
well the reason behind my actions will become all too clear later.
i am running.
running.
running.
stop. breathe.
running .
running faster
i look back.
is he still there?
yes.
gaining ground as i am attempting to locate him
i turn a corner.
narrowly miss getting pummeled by that pick-up.
this is dangerous.
but have i got a choice? no.
so i continue to run.
run.
breathe.
run.
run.
so there i am, dashing about the busy streets.
blood pulsing.
i can hear my heart beat through my ears.
why is my heart so loud?
why can i hear it now?
what exactly is my blood comprised of?
how does it carry medicine?
or oxygen to my organs?
and my legs, which are allowing me to escape from the impending danger.
what exactly happens when you get an 'infection'?
does it really tear away at your tissue?
or is that just a clever metaphor?
stop.
this is no time for pondering life's imponderables.
my thoughts are still racing.
is he still there?
have i lost him?
no. he is right there.
i was sure i had lost him.
he is always right there.
i cannot escape.
i am being suffocated.
by my own doubt.
all of this was my fault.
i cannot blame any of it on sarah anymore.
if only i hadn’t cared.
if only i hadn’t stayed that extra minute.
if only i had listened to her...
but all of that is over now.
my decision has been made and cannot be changed now.
do i wonder what life would have been like if i hadn’t changed my decision at the last minute?
sure.
but i can’t experience it now.
not now, not ever.
i long every now and then for somebody to accept me for who i am.
every part of me.
me, myself and i.
accept me for me.
for my genuine self.
not because i give them things.
or because i have things i could give to them.
well i have nothing now that anyone would want.
i haven’t for as long as i can remember.
how long ago is that?
i don't know.
my mind is to clouded with the situation at hand.
which is a good thing, mind you.
i turn my attention back to running.
run.
run.
run.
watch out for that pole.
run.
breathe.
stop, breathe.
no, don't stop! he's right behind you.
run.
run faster.
i can almost hear him breathing down my back.
but that isn't possible.
he would have grabbed me if he were that close.
surely he would have...
but what if he were really that close and hadn't bothered?
he would have slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle my screams.
i have had this strange phenomenom
of my fears being imaginatively materialized.
to the point at which i am huddled in a corner screaming at an invisible fiend.
it does not oppose any danger to me
only i can see it
i do not know what it wants
and i surely don't want to stick around to find out.
the same thing, i am sure, was happening now.
i only hope that is what's happening now...
i am sure that i feel his hand on my shoulder.
i try to shake it loose.
it doesn't bulge.
it tightens its grip.
i try to scream, but only silent yelps come out of my muted mouth.
i reach my hand out and touch my face.
his hand is not there.
i flick my hand across both my shoulders.
nothing.
i breathe a sigh of relief.
but he is still close by, so i cannot let my guard down.
i turn another corner.
BREATHE!!
run. run.
i almost didn't see that car.
i jolt to the left just in time.
run.
breathe.
run.
run.
THUD!!
BAM!
i keep running.
apparently he didn't see that car either.
i laugh to myself, but this is not time for celebration.
i run faster.
harder.
sprint.
breathe!
i can feel my blood pumping faster.
more adrenaline is racing to my heart as i risk my life running through the streets.
run.
run.
how did i end up like this?
run.
run.
breathe.
he is back on my trail.
run.
run.
i step over a crumpled newspaper cast aside by some careless being waiting for the bus.
it makes a crinkly sound underneath my feet.
no more than 5 seconds later did i hear the newspaper crinkle beneath his feet.
he is gaining on me.
i am losing time.
losing patience.
losing energy.
losing this battle.
losing blood flow to my head...
thoughts becoming cluttered...
i cannot cling to consiousness any longer...
but i must.
for the fate of my sister.
of my little brother.
of my neighbor.
of my best friend.
the only one i'd come close enough to.
the only one who'd accept me for who i was.
the only one who hadn't been scared away when i'd revealed my true self.
the only one who didn't expect things from me.
anything that was obviously beyond my window of capacity.
the only one i could spill my heart out to.
the only one she trusted with her deepest darkest secrets.
the only one who was there when i was sobbing in my room.
the only one who saw past what everyone else couldn't
the only one who treated me as equal.
the only one... keeping me alive.
the only one... i would not be alive today if it weren't for her.
no, she is not the sarah i was talking about before.
sarah is evil, in my opinion.
an evil that has done all the evil it could muster.
an evil that is done being evil...
an evil that wanted to help me...but i had refused it...
an evil that had killed my parents.
killed my other 'friends'.
killed my dreams.
wrecked my relationships.
killed my hopes, my goals, everything i had pulled close to me...
an evil that would have destroyed all of that in a heartbeat without thinking twice.
an evil that had to be stopped.
an evil that was not good.
a good evil that i had not come to terms with.
a good evil i did not want to believe in.
a good evil that tried to help me...
but i did not want its help.
it told me where to go, what to do, who to do it to, but i didn't listen...
this is the sarah i was talking about.
the sarah that blew everything i had built up into smithereens.
the sarah i had promised myself i would some day destroy.
the sarah who wanted to help me...
the sarah who could have changed my life if only i had listened to her...
but i didn't.
and like i said, it's over.
what i know now would have helped me before.
it is as plain as day.
if only...back then i knew what i know now, all of this could have been avoided.
all of it.
all of the lying
the scheming,
the plotting,
the invasivness,
the blackmailing,
the backstabbing...
my life would be like any other child's...
i would have grown up in an as-close-to-perfect-as-possible environment,
i would have went to school, got an education...
i would have had that important social experience...
i would have went to highschool...
which would have led me in the right path...
straight to college...
where i would have grown up.
where i would have matured.
where i would have learned to stand on my own.
where i would have learned how cold the world really was.
i would have learned to deal with it.
to get used to it.
because life doesn't make adjustments to fit your needs.
i would have learned all of that.
i would have done so with my friends.
i would have found that thing i was good at.
and i would have nurtured it
i would have made it grow
i would have made it grow and progress into something i could only have dreamed of...
gotten a job...
been successful...
i would have had an entirely new outlook on life...
but none of that is even remotly possible now.
because of that evil.
that evil that makes my blood pressure rise.
that evil that makes me cringe at the slightest hint of its name.
that evil that destroyed everything...
everything...
except those it could not.
the only one who truly was there for me...
the only one....
only...
only...
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my mother would still be here
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my mother would still be here...
to care for me.
to tell me, "it's okay honey..."
to laugh at the funny things in life
to share my experiences with...
to be everything a mother is supposed to be...
to be...
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my father would still be here
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my father would still be here...
to care for me.
to chase away the monsters in my closet.
to make crude jokes i laugh at then but later make fun of with my friends.
to be a father.
to be everything in life that no body else can be...
to be the missing part of me...
to be part of that missing part...
to help mend the wound...
if only...back then i knew what i know now...
casey would still be alive
jacob would still be alive
emily would still be alive
saza would still be alive
mr. james would not be a widower...
kate would have a baby brother...
ms. kinkle would no longer mourn everyday over the loss of her beloved sister...
if only...
but everything i wish to be undone cannot be undone.
not anymore.
sarah gave me my chance.
sarah warned me
thousands upon thousands of times
how great the mistake i would make was
but i refused her gift.
this was when i still believed she was evil.
this was back when she stole everything i had.
everything i had come to love.
everything i knew was mine.
everything i had thought could not be removed.
everything...
THUD!!
the loud crash brings be back to reality.
i realize again that i am running from him.
who am i running from?
i don't remember...
i've been running for so long...
my legs are tired...
but i cannot give up now.
not now,
not ever.
until everybody i let down is safe again.
safe...
safe...
safe from the evil...
safe from the evil that supposedly used to be sarah...
safe from the evil that is supposed to be good now...
safe from the evil i will never trust...
safe from...
from...
just safe.
run. run.
turn the corner.
sprint, sprint.
run.
breathe.
he is still right behind me.
why hasn't he run out of breath yet??
how is he still right behind me?
why doesn't he just give up already?
breathe.
run.
i am sure that i can hear him breathing.
no, it's just my imagination.
but...
but......
oh...
oh no...
that feeling...
that horrible feeling...
that turns slightly pleasent just as i pass out.
that feeling i get when i've been drugged
which has happened to me a couple of times.
but i have been running, all of this time
how could i have been drugged?
did i stop for a snack?
no, impossible.
he's been right behind me for all of this time.
or for at least all that i can remember.
and i can remember every minute of it, as lucid and vivid as ever.
so when was i drugged?
when?
what did i do right before that phone call?
right before...
that phone call...
that sent me spiraling downward...
that phone call...that freaked me out...
that phone call...right before the crash...
right before i took off running into the streets...
with him following me.
how?
how..?
how...
what had i done right before i darted out the door?
had i eaten something?
no, i didn't do that
i know because my stomache has been grumbling for the past hour.
but what had i done??
what?
what...
what....
suddenly i know how i had been drugged.
that last sip of water
that marsha had been nagging me to drink all evening.
my throat was dry and i figured what the heck.
i should have figured otherwise.
marsha never nags me to do something unless there's a catch.
what was the catch?
help kill me and share the fame and glory?
she would never do that.
unless...
someone threatened her...
what would they threaten her with?
who would do that?
who could be so heartless?
who would want to rid the world of me so badly?
who?
who...
why...
who......
who.........
only one name popped up in my head: sarah.
i knew she was evil.
i just knew it.
i just know it...
you can't just wake up one day and be all "i think i'm not going to be evil anymore".
that's not how it goes.
but why would she want to rid the world of me?
she already got everything she wanted...
i knew there were things that meant more to marsha than me...
so sarah must have threatened her with one of them.
threatened her to make me drink her poisoned water.
threatened to destroy the things the held very near and dear to her heart...
what a heartless women.
now i'm not so sure about sarah.
now i am not so sure that she suddenly became good.
i was the only one who didn't believe her kind act.
and i am more glad than ever that i didn't.
what would have happened if i had believed her and went to that shop with her?
would she have killed me there?
she already got everything she wanted!
everything that was mine.
everything...
everything...
how selfish.
what more could she have possibly wanted?
she had told me to my face that i no longer had anything she could have wanted to possess.
except...
except...
except for jamie.
jamie...
the only one who accepted me for who i was.
me, myself, and i.
my genuine self.
the only who who could see past all of my faults
to the lonly person inside that just wanted a person to share their life with.
not like that, but you know what i mean.
someone to be there for you when just yourself wasn't enough anymore.
how could sarah do that?
why did she want to do that?
why?
why??
why....
of course: sarah wanted to get rid of me so she could have a friend like jamie.
a friend who pushed me to do my best when i had pretty much lost all hope
a friend who was there for me when myself wasn't enough
a friend who gave me a shoulder to cry on
a friend who celebrated the good times with me
a friend...
a good friend...
who didn't care what i was wearing, what i looked like...
a friend who just wanted to be around me...
for me...
well sarah, there's a better way you could have gotten a friend like jamie.
a way that didn't involve ridding the world of me!!
run...
slower...
breathe...
walk....
.....
.....
breathe....
crawl.....
consiousness...
is it worth clinging to?
...
...
is it?
...
...
for jamie...
...
...
no.
i fight back the urge to collapse on the ground with all my strength.
it's not working...
i'm losing...
eh.....
no! i can't give up!
if i do what will happen to jamie...
and i of course can't let sarah get away with this.
i can't...
no....
.
i can no longer feel my legs.
they have gone numb.
so have by arms.
and feet
and hands
and face.
now i can't feel anything.
the pain from running for a couple odd hours disappears.
the pain of losing pretty much everything i had vanishes.
the pain of watching my life drift away from me while i couldn't do anything about it dissolves.
everything...
all of the pain...
the sobbing...
the misery...
the heartache...
the longing....
is suddenly gone.
...
it's gone....
i wait a few seconds to see if it was just a fluke and my real life catches up to me.
nothing.
i wait a few more seconds.
nope.
all of the pain and suffering is gone.
gone...
how nice...
.....
i am sure i felt a faint smile wipe across my face.
surely by now the man chasing me is baffled by why i haven't dropped dead on the ground.
surely by now he is in disbelief.
surely...
i haven't looked back at him for who knows how long.
i only caught a glimpse of him outside my house before i took off running
and it was not pretty.
where am i anyway?
i look around.
nope, nothing looks familiar.
where did i go?
how did i get this far?
i am so deep in thought that i almost run into another car.
i jump, with miniscule hope that i will gain enough air to clear the vehicle.
increduously, i do and land on the other side of it.
run.
run.
breathe.
THUD!!!!
BAM!!!
i keep running.
apparently my pursuer isn't good with dodging objects in his way.
run.
run.
sprint.
breathe.
slow down...
run faster.
sprint
breathe...
breathe...
breathe...
run....
breathe.........
is this for real?
or just my mind playing tricks on me?
i no longer hear the pounding footsteps behind me.
he is gone.
for real?
i keep running.
minutes pass.
i am still running.
i am not taking any chances.
i run.
run.
breathe.
dodge that pole.
run.
sill i hear no footsteps.
i take this oppertunity to glance back.
he is not there.
nothing is there.
nothing except the cars and people walking about.
none of the people is him.
he is no longer there.
nothing...
joy fills me.
i am free.
i say to myself.
i am free.
i mutter out loud.
I. Am. Free. i say out loud.
i don't shout it out for the entire world to hear, for fear that he is just hiding and i don't see him.
is it safe to stop running?
no.
run.
run.
breathe.
i run for about another half hour.
by now i am probably a half of a mile away from him.
i look back.
it is daylight.
business men with briefcases.
business women with serious looks on their faces.
regular suburban people.
walking around.
i am free.
i am safe.
i finally conclude that it is safe to stop running.
but just to be safe, i head into a police station.
i sit there, in the waiting room, catching my breath.
all the events of last night buzz in my head
i try to sort out what really happened as i am aproached by a uniformed women and asked to state my reason of presence.
"i-i'm just... i just need to think. i will leave if i am bothering you"
i reply to her.
she shakes her head no, then politely nods and returns to her desk.
i go back to thinking.
oh no...
there's that feeling again...
that feeling...
i get right before i pass out.
well...since i am in a police station...
what could go wrong...
so i ponder my decisions through my last few seconds of conciousness.
"it's not worth clinging to anymore..." i tell myself.
then i am out like a light.
...
...
i wake up god knows how much later,
in a hospital bed.
i look around.
the door is open
medically clothed people are shuffling past my door, not glancing in
i can tell that this hospital is pretty busy now.
i am glad that they have made room for me.
the room is empty
except for a nurse.
she is standing by a beeping monitor
scribbling something onto a clipboard.
i try to see what she is writing
but as soon as my eyes adjust to the distance she abruptly puts down the clipboard
she looks my way
she is stunned that i am awake.
she dashes out into the hall.
she calls out a name, but i can't quite make out who it is.
a doctor comes in.
he walks over to me.
he pulls out a small flashlight and examines my eyes with it.
he flashes it into both of my eyes, one after the other
by the expression on his face, i can tell that i have done well with this 'test'
i can also tell that he is awe stuck at the fact that i am even awake, as was the nurse.
"hello, my name is doctor stribridge." the man introduces.
"this is my assistant, nurse kayla"
dr. stribridge says as he points to the clipboard woman.
"tell me dear, do you remember anything?" dr. stribridge asks me.
"well i-" i begin, a little confused
"i mean, what was the last thing you remember doing?" he interrupts me.
"i...the last thing i remember was...i was in a police station, and a women came up to me and asked what i was doing there" i begin again
"ah, officer smith" dr. stribridge comments
"ok... then officer smith went back to her desk...and i think i passed out after that" i conclude
"yes, yes. you sure did" dr. stribridge replies.
"officer smith is the one who called us after she saw you had passed out"
"wh-what day is it?" i ask, still confused
"it's wednesday, dear" nurse kayla says sweetly.
wednesday?!?
"what?? how long was i asleep??" i ask
dr. stribridge and nurse kayla exchange wearily glances before they nod.
"well," dr. stribridge begins
"you've been in a coma. for--3 months" nurse kayla finishes.
i sit there stunned
a coma?
three months???
how?
from the drugs?
"we ran some tests and figured out that you were poisoned." he adds.
oh
figures.
sarah...
"then, a young gal named sarah-" he begins
oh no.
she must have come when i was in the coma and stolen my liver or something.
"-a sweet little girl named sarah"
he continues.
i roll my eyes
"...well sarah came, saw you were in the coma, and smiled a bit." he adds, unsteadily
figures.
"then...she left a message for us to give you when--if you woke up" nurse kayla adds.
i raise my head.
a message?
probably that she would try to kill me later...
"we told her we weren't sure if you would ever wake up... but she was strongly pursuaded that you would, for some reason..." nurse kayla continued
"we-aren't really sure what the message means, but maybe you will understand it" dr. stribridge added.
"wh-what is the message?" i manage to get out before i gently lay my head back on the pillow.
dr. stribridge and nurse kayla exchange wearily glances once more
as if to say, 'this all was a mistake.'
'we shouldn't have told her about the message in the first place'
"the message was:" dr. stribridge begins
nurse kayla reaches over to her clipboard and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from the bottom of the stack of paper.
she hands it to me.
"well, it's all right there." he replies.
and with that, he and nurse kayla left the room leaving me in a pool of thoughts.
all of those thoughts i knew would be answered once i read the note.
did i want to read it?
what would happen if i read it?
"oh, and your parents are out in the waiting room.
poor things.
have been worried sick about you.
i shall go inform them of your awakening. be back in a few" dr. stribridge says from the doorway
my parents?
that's not possible...
maybe they're imposters...
sent by sarah to kill me.
right...
but how?
what if they're...real??
but my parents can't be alive!
more unanswered questions.
i looked down at the note in my hands.
everything i could ever want to know was probably contained in that note.
i opened it up, hands shaking as they moved.
it was sarah's handwriting.
i could recognize it anywhere; it was very distinctive.
it was kind of scribbled, so i had a little trouble deciphering the first few words.
after that, it was easy.
"I am sincerely sorry.
Very sincerely sorry.
From the bottom of my heart, a heart of which to you is surely nonexistant.
I know I have caused you many hardships.
I am sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know you won't forgive me from a stupid letter, so I have done more.
I have given you back everything.
Everything that I took from you.
Everything.
I have given you back your mother.
I have given you back your father.
Your childhood.
Your best friend, not to replace Jamie.
Your siblings.
Your memories.
Your emotions.
Everything I wrongfuly took from you.
Everything...
Everything I took from you in hopes to make you more miserable.
More miserable, for a reason I do not know why.
I thought it would make me happy, seeing how you were enjoying all of it so much.
I have learned now that I was wrong.
Stealing everything you had didn't make me happy.
In fact, it made me worse.
A more unbearable person.
Each day goes by and I hate myself more than the last for what I have done to you.
I know you think I am a heartless person, but I am not.
I just had a momentary lapse of judgement.
What's yours is yours, and what was never mine will remain not mine.
I am very sorry.
I am...
so sorry for everything I did to you...
Watching you go on with life...not giving up...when you had nothing.
Not even a penny to your name...
I thought I had stolen everything from you.
Everything...
But I was wrong.
I had not stolen your humanity.
Your emotions.
The things you had that let you go on day after day.
Even when you had nothing.
Or so I thought.
Then you found Jamie.
I had longed my entire life for a friend to treat me the same way as Jamie treated you.
I tried to take that from you as well, and it ended...lets just say not too well.
I learned from you.
If only I had followed your example from the beginning...
Not taken the path that I will forever regret taking...
I am sorry.
My hopes are low that you will forgive me, but I hope you do.
I am sorry.
-Sarah"
tears were welling in my eyes.
i knew sarah was evil to some extent, but i never expected her to do this for me.
i read the letter over once more
but didn't get even half way through it before my parents were standing beside me.
my parents.
the ones sarah had taken from me all those years back...
the ones i had pretty much grown up my entire life without.
the ones i had missed all of my life.
the ones... i loved.
it must have been 20 minutes before we finally let go of each other.
to them, it was just me waking up from a 3 month coma.
to me, it was a reunion after what had seemed a lifetime.
i missed them so much.
they did not know what i had gone through.
but why did i sill have my memory?
why did i remember all the horrible things sarah did to me, but no one else knows?
more unanswered and unanswerable questions.
but for now, i am just happy.
happy...
happy...
together...
unified with my parents...
and i know nothing can take it away from me.
not even sarah.
THE END
© Copyright 2008 Victoria Welch [F.I.I.M. Productions]
* All persons represented in this story are fiction. Anybody in this story relating to a real person was completely coincidental and unintentional.
I am running.
running away.
why?
well the reason behind my actions will become all too clear later.
i am running.
running.
running.
stop. breathe.
running .
running faster
i look back.
is he still there?
yes.
gaining ground as i am attempting to locate him
i turn a corner.
narrowly miss getting pummeled by that pick-up.
this is dangerous.
but have i got a choice? no.
so i continue to run.
run.
breathe.
run.
run.
so there i am, dashing about the busy streets.
blood pulsing.
i can hear my heart beat through my ears.
why is my heart so loud?
why can i hear it now?
what exactly is my blood comprised of?
how does it carry medicine?
or oxygen to my organs?
and my legs, which are allowing me to escape from the impending danger.
what exactly happens when you get an 'infection'?
does it really tear away at your tissue?
or is that just a clever metaphor?
stop.
this is no time for pondering life's imponderables.
my thoughts are still racing.
is he still there?
have i lost him?
no. he is right there.
i was sure i had lost him.
he is always right there.
i cannot escape.
i am being suffocated.
by my own doubt.
all of this was my fault.
i cannot blame any of it on sarah anymore.
if only i hadn’t cared.
if only i hadn’t stayed that extra minute.
if only i had listened to her...
but all of that is over now.
my decision has been made and cannot be changed now.
do i wonder what life would have been like if i hadn’t changed my decision at the last minute?
sure.
but i can’t experience it now.
not now, not ever.
i long every now and then for somebody to accept me for who i am.
every part of me.
me, myself and i.
accept me for me.
for my genuine self.
not because i give them things.
or because i have things i could give to them.
well i have nothing now that anyone would want.
i haven’t for as long as i can remember.
how long ago is that?
i don't know.
my mind is to clouded with the situation at hand.
which is a good thing, mind you.
i turn my attention back to running.
run.
run.
run.
watch out for that pole.
run.
breathe.
stop, breathe.
no, don't stop! he's right behind you.
run.
run faster.
i can almost hear him breathing down my back.
but that isn't possible.
he would have grabbed me if he were that close.
surely he would have...
but what if he were really that close and hadn't bothered?
he would have slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle my screams.
i have had this strange phenomenom
of my fears being imaginatively materialized.
to the point at which i am huddled in a corner screaming at an invisible fiend.
it does not oppose any danger to me
only i can see it
i do not know what it wants
and i surely don't want to stick around to find out.
the same thing, i am sure, was happening now.
i only hope that is what's happening now...
i am sure that i feel his hand on my shoulder.
i try to shake it loose.
it doesn't bulge.
it tightens its grip.
i try to scream, but only silent yelps come out of my muted mouth.
i reach my hand out and touch my face.
his hand is not there.
i flick my hand across both my shoulders.
nothing.
i breathe a sigh of relief.
but he is still close by, so i cannot let my guard down.
i turn another corner.
BREATHE!!
run. run.
i almost didn't see that car.
i jolt to the left just in time.
run.
breathe.
run.
run.
THUD!!
BAM!
i keep running.
apparently he didn't see that car either.
i laugh to myself, but this is not time for celebration.
i run faster.
harder.
sprint.
breathe!
i can feel my blood pumping faster.
more adrenaline is racing to my heart as i risk my life running through the streets.
run.
run.
how did i end up like this?
run.
run.
breathe.
he is back on my trail.
run.
run.
i step over a crumpled newspaper cast aside by some careless being waiting for the bus.
it makes a crinkly sound underneath my feet.
no more than 5 seconds later did i hear the newspaper crinkle beneath his feet.
he is gaining on me.
i am losing time.
losing patience.
losing energy.
losing this battle.
losing blood flow to my head...
thoughts becoming cluttered...
i cannot cling to consiousness any longer...
but i must.
for the fate of my sister.
of my little brother.
of my neighbor.
of my best friend.
the only one i'd come close enough to.
the only one who'd accept me for who i was.
the only one who hadn't been scared away when i'd revealed my true self.
the only one who didn't expect things from me.
anything that was obviously beyond my window of capacity.
the only one i could spill my heart out to.
the only one she trusted with her deepest darkest secrets.
the only one who was there when i was sobbing in my room.
the only one who saw past what everyone else couldn't
the only one who treated me as equal.
the only one... keeping me alive.
the only one... i would not be alive today if it weren't for her.
no, she is not the sarah i was talking about before.
sarah is evil, in my opinion.
an evil that has done all the evil it could muster.
an evil that is done being evil...
an evil that wanted to help me...but i had refused it...
an evil that had killed my parents.
killed my other 'friends'.
killed my dreams.
wrecked my relationships.
killed my hopes, my goals, everything i had pulled close to me...
an evil that would have destroyed all of that in a heartbeat without thinking twice.
an evil that had to be stopped.
an evil that was not good.
a good evil that i had not come to terms with.
a good evil i did not want to believe in.
a good evil that tried to help me...
but i did not want its help.
it told me where to go, what to do, who to do it to, but i didn't listen...
this is the sarah i was talking about.
the sarah that blew everything i had built up into smithereens.
the sarah i had promised myself i would some day destroy.
the sarah who wanted to help me...
the sarah who could have changed my life if only i had listened to her...
but i didn't.
and like i said, it's over.
what i know now would have helped me before.
it is as plain as day.
if only...back then i knew what i know now, all of this could have been avoided.
all of it.
all of the lying
the scheming,
the plotting,
the invasivness,
the blackmailing,
the backstabbing...
my life would be like any other child's...
i would have grown up in an as-close-to-perfect-as-possible environment,
i would have went to school, got an education...
i would have had that important social experience...
i would have went to highschool...
which would have led me in the right path...
straight to college...
where i would have grown up.
where i would have matured.
where i would have learned to stand on my own.
where i would have learned how cold the world really was.
i would have learned to deal with it.
to get used to it.
because life doesn't make adjustments to fit your needs.
i would have learned all of that.
i would have done so with my friends.
i would have found that thing i was good at.
and i would have nurtured it
i would have made it grow
i would have made it grow and progress into something i could only have dreamed of...
gotten a job...
been successful...
i would have had an entirely new outlook on life...
but none of that is even remotly possible now.
because of that evil.
that evil that makes my blood pressure rise.
that evil that makes me cringe at the slightest hint of its name.
that evil that destroyed everything...
everything...
except those it could not.
the only one who truly was there for me...
the only one....
only...
only...
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my mother would still be here
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my mother would still be here...
to care for me.
to tell me, "it's okay honey..."
to laugh at the funny things in life
to share my experiences with...
to be everything a mother is supposed to be...
to be...
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my father would still be here
if only...back then i knew what i know now, my father would still be here...
to care for me.
to chase away the monsters in my closet.
to make crude jokes i laugh at then but later make fun of with my friends.
to be a father.
to be everything in life that no body else can be...
to be the missing part of me...
to be part of that missing part...
to help mend the wound...
if only...back then i knew what i know now...
casey would still be alive
jacob would still be alive
emily would still be alive
saza would still be alive
mr. james would not be a widower...
kate would have a baby brother...
ms. kinkle would no longer mourn everyday over the loss of her beloved sister...
if only...
but everything i wish to be undone cannot be undone.
not anymore.
sarah gave me my chance.
sarah warned me
thousands upon thousands of times
how great the mistake i would make was
but i refused her gift.
this was when i still believed she was evil.
this was back when she stole everything i had.
everything i had come to love.
everything i knew was mine.
everything i had thought could not be removed.
everything...
THUD!!
the loud crash brings be back to reality.
i realize again that i am running from him.
who am i running from?
i don't remember...
i've been running for so long...
my legs are tired...
but i cannot give up now.
not now,
not ever.
until everybody i let down is safe again.
safe...
safe...
safe from the evil...
safe from the evil that supposedly used to be sarah...
safe from the evil that is supposed to be good now...
safe from the evil i will never trust...
safe from...
from...
just safe.
run. run.
turn the corner.
sprint, sprint.
run.
breathe.
he is still right behind me.
why hasn't he run out of breath yet??
how is he still right behind me?
why doesn't he just give up already?
breathe.
run.
i am sure that i can hear him breathing.
no, it's just my imagination.
but...
but......
oh...
oh no...
that feeling...
that horrible feeling...
that turns slightly pleasent just as i pass out.
that feeling i get when i've been drugged
which has happened to me a couple of times.
but i have been running, all of this time
how could i have been drugged?
did i stop for a snack?
no, impossible.
he's been right behind me for all of this time.
or for at least all that i can remember.
and i can remember every minute of it, as lucid and vivid as ever.
so when was i drugged?
when?
what did i do right before that phone call?
right before...
that phone call...
that sent me spiraling downward...
that phone call...that freaked me out...
that phone call...right before the crash...
right before i took off running into the streets...
with him following me.
how?
how..?
how...
what had i done right before i darted out the door?
had i eaten something?
no, i didn't do that
i know because my stomache has been grumbling for the past hour.
but what had i done??
what?
what...
what....
suddenly i know how i had been drugged.
that last sip of water
that marsha had been nagging me to drink all evening.
my throat was dry and i figured what the heck.
i should have figured otherwise.
marsha never nags me to do something unless there's a catch.
what was the catch?
help kill me and share the fame and glory?
she would never do that.
unless...
someone threatened her...
what would they threaten her with?
who would do that?
who could be so heartless?
who would want to rid the world of me so badly?
who?
who...
why...
who......
who.........
only one name popped up in my head: sarah.
i knew she was evil.
i just knew it.
i just know it...
you can't just wake up one day and be all "i think i'm not going to be evil anymore".
that's not how it goes.
but why would she want to rid the world of me?
she already got everything she wanted...
i knew there were things that meant more to marsha than me...
so sarah must have threatened her with one of them.
threatened her to make me drink her poisoned water.
threatened to destroy the things the held very near and dear to her heart...
what a heartless women.
now i'm not so sure about sarah.
now i am not so sure that she suddenly became good.
i was the only one who didn't believe her kind act.
and i am more glad than ever that i didn't.
what would have happened if i had believed her and went to that shop with her?
would she have killed me there?
she already got everything she wanted!
everything that was mine.
everything...
everything...
how selfish.
what more could she have possibly wanted?
she had told me to my face that i no longer had anything she could have wanted to possess.
except...
except...
except for jamie.
jamie...
the only one who accepted me for who i was.
me, myself, and i.
my genuine self.
the only who who could see past all of my faults
to the lonly person inside that just wanted a person to share their life with.
not like that, but you know what i mean.
someone to be there for you when just yourself wasn't enough anymore.
how could sarah do that?
why did she want to do that?
why?
why??
why....
of course: sarah wanted to get rid of me so she could have a friend like jamie.
a friend who pushed me to do my best when i had pretty much lost all hope
a friend who was there for me when myself wasn't enough
a friend who gave me a shoulder to cry on
a friend who celebrated the good times with me
a friend...
a good friend...
who didn't care what i was wearing, what i looked like...
a friend who just wanted to be around me...
for me...
well sarah, there's a better way you could have gotten a friend like jamie.
a way that didn't involve ridding the world of me!!
run...
slower...
breathe...
walk....
.....
.....
breathe....
crawl.....
consiousness...
is it worth clinging to?
...
...
is it?
...
...
for jamie...
...
...
no.
i fight back the urge to collapse on the ground with all my strength.
it's not working...
i'm losing...
eh.....
no! i can't give up!
if i do what will happen to jamie...
and i of course can't let sarah get away with this.
i can't...
no....
.
i can no longer feel my legs.
they have gone numb.
so have by arms.
and feet
and hands
and face.
now i can't feel anything.
the pain from running for a couple odd hours disappears.
the pain of losing pretty much everything i had vanishes.
the pain of watching my life drift away from me while i couldn't do anything about it dissolves.
everything...
all of the pain...
the sobbing...
the misery...
the heartache...
the longing....
is suddenly gone.
...
it's gone....
i wait a few seconds to see if it was just a fluke and my real life catches up to me.
nothing.
i wait a few more seconds.
nope.
all of the pain and suffering is gone.
gone...
how nice...
.....
i am sure i felt a faint smile wipe across my face.
surely by now the man chasing me is baffled by why i haven't dropped dead on the ground.
surely by now he is in disbelief.
surely...
i haven't looked back at him for who knows how long.
i only caught a glimpse of him outside my house before i took off running
and it was not pretty.
where am i anyway?
i look around.
nope, nothing looks familiar.
where did i go?
how did i get this far?
i am so deep in thought that i almost run into another car.
i jump, with miniscule hope that i will gain enough air to clear the vehicle.
increduously, i do and land on the other side of it.
run.
run.
breathe.
THUD!!!!
BAM!!!
i keep running.
apparently my pursuer isn't good with dodging objects in his way.
run.
run.
sprint.
breathe.
slow down...
run faster.
sprint
breathe...
breathe...
breathe...
run....
breathe.........
is this for real?
or just my mind playing tricks on me?
i no longer hear the pounding footsteps behind me.
he is gone.
for real?
i keep running.
minutes pass.
i am still running.
i am not taking any chances.
i run.
run.
breathe.
dodge that pole.
run.
sill i hear no footsteps.
i take this oppertunity to glance back.
he is not there.
nothing is there.
nothing except the cars and people walking about.
none of the people is him.
he is no longer there.
nothing...
joy fills me.
i am free.
i say to myself.
i am free.
i mutter out loud.
I. Am. Free. i say out loud.
i don't shout it out for the entire world to hear, for fear that he is just hiding and i don't see him.
is it safe to stop running?
no.
run.
run.
breathe.
i run for about another half hour.
by now i am probably a half of a mile away from him.
i look back.
it is daylight.
business men with briefcases.
business women with serious looks on their faces.
regular suburban people.
walking around.
i am free.
i am safe.
i finally conclude that it is safe to stop running.
but just to be safe, i head into a police station.
i sit there, in the waiting room, catching my breath.
all the events of last night buzz in my head
i try to sort out what really happened as i am aproached by a uniformed women and asked to state my reason of presence.
"i-i'm just... i just need to think. i will leave if i am bothering you"
i reply to her.
she shakes her head no, then politely nods and returns to her desk.
i go back to thinking.
oh no...
there's that feeling again...
that feeling...
i get right before i pass out.
well...since i am in a police station...
what could go wrong...
so i ponder my decisions through my last few seconds of conciousness.
"it's not worth clinging to anymore..." i tell myself.
then i am out like a light.
...
...
i wake up god knows how much later,
in a hospital bed.
i look around.
the door is open
medically clothed people are shuffling past my door, not glancing in
i can tell that this hospital is pretty busy now.
i am glad that they have made room for me.
the room is empty
except for a nurse.
she is standing by a beeping monitor
scribbling something onto a clipboard.
i try to see what she is writing
but as soon as my eyes adjust to the distance she abruptly puts down the clipboard
she looks my way
she is stunned that i am awake.
she dashes out into the hall.
she calls out a name, but i can't quite make out who it is.
a doctor comes in.
he walks over to me.
he pulls out a small flashlight and examines my eyes with it.
he flashes it into both of my eyes, one after the other
by the expression on his face, i can tell that i have done well with this 'test'
i can also tell that he is awe stuck at the fact that i am even awake, as was the nurse.
"hello, my name is doctor stribridge." the man introduces.
"this is my assistant, nurse kayla"
dr. stribridge says as he points to the clipboard woman.
"tell me dear, do you remember anything?" dr. stribridge asks me.
"well i-" i begin, a little confused
"i mean, what was the last thing you remember doing?" he interrupts me.
"i...the last thing i remember was...i was in a police station, and a women came up to me and asked what i was doing there" i begin again
"ah, officer smith" dr. stribridge comments
"ok... then officer smith went back to her desk...and i think i passed out after that" i conclude
"yes, yes. you sure did" dr. stribridge replies.
"officer smith is the one who called us after she saw you had passed out"
"wh-what day is it?" i ask, still confused
"it's wednesday, dear" nurse kayla says sweetly.
wednesday?!?
"what?? how long was i asleep??" i ask
dr. stribridge and nurse kayla exchange wearily glances before they nod.
"well," dr. stribridge begins
"you've been in a coma. for--3 months" nurse kayla finishes.
i sit there stunned
a coma?
three months???
how?
from the drugs?
"we ran some tests and figured out that you were poisoned." he adds.
oh
figures.
sarah...
"then, a young gal named sarah-" he begins
oh no.
she must have come when i was in the coma and stolen my liver or something.
"-a sweet little girl named sarah"
he continues.
i roll my eyes
"...well sarah came, saw you were in the coma, and smiled a bit." he adds, unsteadily
figures.
"then...she left a message for us to give you when--if you woke up" nurse kayla adds.
i raise my head.
a message?
probably that she would try to kill me later...
"we told her we weren't sure if you would ever wake up... but she was strongly pursuaded that you would, for some reason..." nurse kayla continued
"we-aren't really sure what the message means, but maybe you will understand it" dr. stribridge added.
"wh-what is the message?" i manage to get out before i gently lay my head back on the pillow.
dr. stribridge and nurse kayla exchange wearily glances once more
as if to say, 'this all was a mistake.'
'we shouldn't have told her about the message in the first place'
"the message was:" dr. stribridge begins
nurse kayla reaches over to her clipboard and pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from the bottom of the stack of paper.
she hands it to me.
"well, it's all right there." he replies.
and with that, he and nurse kayla left the room leaving me in a pool of thoughts.
all of those thoughts i knew would be answered once i read the note.
did i want to read it?
what would happen if i read it?
"oh, and your parents are out in the waiting room.
poor things.
have been worried sick about you.
i shall go inform them of your awakening. be back in a few" dr. stribridge says from the doorway
my parents?
that's not possible...
maybe they're imposters...
sent by sarah to kill me.
right...
but how?
what if they're...real??
but my parents can't be alive!
more unanswered questions.
i looked down at the note in my hands.
everything i could ever want to know was probably contained in that note.
i opened it up, hands shaking as they moved.
it was sarah's handwriting.
i could recognize it anywhere; it was very distinctive.
it was kind of scribbled, so i had a little trouble deciphering the first few words.
after that, it was easy.
"I am sincerely sorry.
Very sincerely sorry.
From the bottom of my heart, a heart of which to you is surely nonexistant.
I know I have caused you many hardships.
I am sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I know you won't forgive me from a stupid letter, so I have done more.
I have given you back everything.
Everything that I took from you.
Everything.
I have given you back your mother.
I have given you back your father.
Your childhood.
Your best friend, not to replace Jamie.
Your siblings.
Your memories.
Your emotions.
Everything I wrongfuly took from you.
Everything...
Everything I took from you in hopes to make you more miserable.
More miserable, for a reason I do not know why.
I thought it would make me happy, seeing how you were enjoying all of it so much.
I have learned now that I was wrong.
Stealing everything you had didn't make me happy.
In fact, it made me worse.
A more unbearable person.
Each day goes by and I hate myself more than the last for what I have done to you.
I know you think I am a heartless person, but I am not.
I just had a momentary lapse of judgement.
What's yours is yours, and what was never mine will remain not mine.
I am very sorry.
I am...
so sorry for everything I did to you...
Watching you go on with life...not giving up...when you had nothing.
Not even a penny to your name...
I thought I had stolen everything from you.
Everything...
But I was wrong.
I had not stolen your humanity.
Your emotions.
The things you had that let you go on day after day.
Even when you had nothing.
Or so I thought.
Then you found Jamie.
I had longed my entire life for a friend to treat me the same way as Jamie treated you.
I tried to take that from you as well, and it ended...lets just say not too well.
I learned from you.
If only I had followed your example from the beginning...
Not taken the path that I will forever regret taking...
I am sorry.
My hopes are low that you will forgive me, but I hope you do.
I am sorry.
-Sarah"
tears were welling in my eyes.
i knew sarah was evil to some extent, but i never expected her to do this for me.
i read the letter over once more
but didn't get even half way through it before my parents were standing beside me.
my parents.
the ones sarah had taken from me all those years back...
the ones i had pretty much grown up my entire life without.
the ones i had missed all of my life.
the ones... i loved.
it must have been 20 minutes before we finally let go of each other.
to them, it was just me waking up from a 3 month coma.
to me, it was a reunion after what had seemed a lifetime.
i missed them so much.
they did not know what i had gone through.
but why did i sill have my memory?
why did i remember all the horrible things sarah did to me, but no one else knows?
more unanswered and unanswerable questions.
but for now, i am just happy.
happy...
happy...
together...
unified with my parents...
and i know nothing can take it away from me.
not even sarah.
THE END
© Copyright 2008 Victoria Welch [F.I.I.M. Productions]
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
SNIGLETS
(snig' lit) Any word that doesn't appear in the dictionary, but should.
CHECKUARY (chek' yew air ee)n. The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
EXPRESSHOLES (eks pres' holz)n. People who try to sneak more than the "eight items or less" into the express checkout line.
BUCKLINT (buck' lint)n. The fine red and blue threads running through new dollar bills
BUBBLIC (buh' blik)adj. Addicted to the systematic popping of the bubbles in packing material.
UNFARE (un fayr')n. The dollar you owe the cab driver before you've even moved a foot.
ELBONICS (el bon' iks)n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
CHUBBLE (chuh' bul)n. The aerobic movement combining deep-knee bends and sideward hops used when trying to fit into panty hose.
ZEBRALANE (zee' bruh layn)n. The striped area between the interstate and the turnoff lane where cars go when drivers can't decide what to do next.
SCRIBLINE (skrib' line)n. The blank area on the back of credit cards where one's signature goes.
CHAIN GANG WALK (chayn gang wok)n. Activity observed in the footwear section of cheap department stores where the shoes are wired together "for your convenience."
FURNIDENTS (fer' nih dents)n. The indentations that appear in carpets after a piece of furniture has been removed.
PERCUBURP (per' kyu berp)n. The final gasp a coffee percolator makes to alert you it is ready.
ALPONIUM (al po' nee um)n. (chemical symbol: Ap) Initial blast of odor upon opening a can of dog food.
SHUGGLEFTULATION (shug lef tuyl ay' shun)n. The actions of two people approaching, trying to get around each other, and muttering "thanks for the dance."
OPUP (op' uhp)v. To push one's glasses back on the nose.
NAPJERK (nap' jurk)n. The sudden consulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.
SLURM (slerm)n. The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
BARGARCS (bar' jarks)n. The streaks on a car's windshield from faulty wipers.
WONDRACIDE (wun' druh side)n. The act of murdering a piece of bread with a knife and cold butter.
COEGGULANT (ko eg' yu lent)n. The white things in a plate of scrambled eggs.
YINKEL (YIN' KUL)n. A person who combs his hair over his bvald spot, hoping no one will notice.
HOUNDWOUNDING (hownd' wown ding)n. Canine act of circling a spot three or four times before settling on it.
ANTALIXIC (ant a lik' sik)n. One who passes over licorice jellybeans.
EASTROTURF (ee' stroh terf)n. The artificial grass in Easter baskets.
CHOCONIVEROUS (chahk o niv' ur us)adj. The tendency when eating a chocolate Easter bunny to bite off the head first. Or chocolate
Aaron's!
ZIZZEBOTS (zi' ze botz)n. The marks on the bridge of one's nose visible when glasses are removed.
RAMPRIOT (ramp' ry uht)n. Free-for-all that erupts as soon the stewardess utters the phrase, "please remain in your seats until the plane has come to a complete stop."
ELEVERTIGO (el uh vur' tig oh)n. The sensation one experiences when an elevator stops or takes off too suddeny.
DIMP (dimp)n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
PERMAPRESSION (pur' muh preh shun)n. The discovery that there is no real difference in the various cycles of your washing machine.
FURBULA (fer' byew luh)n. The designated chewing area on a dog's back.
RIGNITION (rig ni' shun)n. The embarrassing action of trying to start one's car with the engine already running.
YOTATE (yoh' tayt)v. To allow a yo-yo to unwind itself.
MOPEEPS (moh' peeps)n. People compelled to look through the curtain opening of your motel room as they pass by.
MUMMABOLIC CHORUS (mum uh bah' lik ko' rus)n. When three or more people are singing along to a tune and suddenly discover they are all faking their way through the unintelligible lyrics.
NEVITTS (nev' itz)n. The sandpaper-like deposits on a cat's tongue.
CHIPFAULT (chip' fawlt)n. The stress point on a potato chip where it breaks off and stays behind in the dip.
POSTALPORTS (poh' stuhl pawrtz)n. The annoying windows in envelopes that never line up with the address.
BACKSPACKLE (bak' spak uhl)n. Markings on the back of one's shirt from riding a frenderless bicycle.
RELED (ree led')v. To reset all the digital clocks in the household following a power failure.
UMBRACE (uhm' brays)n. The small strap that holds an umbrella in place.
MUMPHREYS (mum' freez)n. (a useless sniglet) Those strange extra digits you find on push-button phone.
STROODLE (stru' dul)n. The annoying strand of cheese stretching from a slice of hot pizza to one's mouth.
ZIPCUFFED (zip' cuft)v. To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.
TIREQUILLS (tyr' kwils)n. The small rubbery prostrusions on new tires.
SPECLUMS (spek' lums)n. The minuscule bumps on a strawberry.
ROVALERT (ro' val urt)n. The system whereby one dog can quickly establish an entire neighborhood network of barking.
GUMMERATOR (bum' uhr ay ter)n. The pointed rubber object on the end of some toothbrushes.
BALDAGE (bald' aj)n. The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering.
UPULS (yu' puls)n. The blank pages at the beginning and end of books, presumably placed there so you can rewrite the ending.
EXASPIRIN (eks as' prin)n. Any bottle of pain reliever with an immpossible-to-remove cotton wad at the top.
CREEDLES (kre' dulz)n. The colony of microscopic indentations on a golf ball.
CABNICREEP (kab' nih kreep)n. The structural condition in which the closing of one kitchen cabinet causes nother to open.
BEAVO (bee' vo)n. A pencil with teeth marks all over it.
SPIRTLE (spur' tul)n. The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.
FICTATE (fik' tayt)v. To inform a television or screen character of impending danger under the assumption they can hear you.
RETROCARBONIC (ret ro kar bon' ik)n. Any drink machine that dispenses the soda before the cup.
TWINCH (twinch)n. The movement a dog makes with its head when it hears a high-pitched noise.
EUFIRSTICS (yew fur' stiks)n. Two people waiting on the phone for the other to hang up first.
UHFAGE (uff' aj)n. The unit for determining a television's age, that is, the amount of time it takes for the picture to appear once the set has been turned on.
PULPID (puhl' pid)n. A kid who enjoys the carton more than the item that came in it.
BRAZEL (brah' zul)n. The scratch plate on a matchbook.
NEGATILE (neh' guh tyl)n. An area of the bathroom floor where, somehow, the scale registers you five pounds lighter.
TEXTLICE (test' lys)n. Those tiny bugs that invade your hair when you're taking an exam.
DILLRELICT (dil rel' ikt)n. The last pickle in the jar that avoids all attempts to be captured.
OPLING (op' pling)n. The act, when feeding a baby, of opening and closing one's mouth, smacking one's lips and making "yummy" noises, in
the hope that baby will do the same.
THERMALOPHOBIA (thur muh lo fo' be uh)n. The fear when showering that some one will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
WOOWAD (wew' wad)n. Giant clumps of stuck-together rice served at Chinese restaurants.
BUSBLENDER (bus' blen dur)n. The device at the front of the bus that tosses your fare around for a while, then swallows it.
METHYLPHOBIA (meth il fo' be uh)n. The fear that you are going to have to pay for the one cent you over- pumped at the self-service station.
FRAZNIT (frahs' nit)n. Any string hanging from an article of clothing, which when pulled causes the article to completely unravel.
BAZOOKACIDALTENDENCIES (bah zew' kuh sy dal ten' den seez)n. The overwhelming desire of most individuals to reach out and pop the giganti gum bubble billowing from someone's mouth.
SNARGLE (snar' gul)v. To lessen the visual impact of a horror movie by filtering it through one's fingers.
MUSQUIRT (mus' kwirt)n. The water that comes out of the initial squirts of a squeeze mustard bottle.
BLOOAGE (blew' ij)n. The residue left on fingers after using an S.O.S. pad.
FLOPCORN (flop' korn)n. The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
GRINTIGER (grin' tuh jer)n. The numbered code on the back of a greeting card that, when deciphered, reveals the price.
CUBELO (kyew' beh lo)n. The one cube left by the person too lazy to refill the ice tray.
PETROOL (pet' rul)n. The slow, seemingly endless strand of motor oil at the end of the can.
GRINION (grin' yun)n. The unsightly indentation in the middle of a belt when it has been worn too long.
WAFTIC (wahf' tik)adj. Describes any person in whose direction campfire or barbeque smoke always blows.
BLURFLE (bler' ful)v. To be caught talking at the top of one's lungs when the music at the bar or disco suddenly stops.
PETONIC (peh ton' ik)adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a houselold pet.
FLOTION (flo' shun)n. The tendency when sharing a waterbed to undulate for five minutes every time the other person moves.
SLOTTERY ANDVENDICATION (slot' er ee and ven' di kay shun)n. A public misdemeanor in which a person gambles on a vending
machine, loses, and tries to exact revenge by kicking it.
MOZZALASTICS (maht suh las' tiks)n. Large deposits of cheese that stick to the top of the pizza box.
GLACKETT (glak' it)n. The noisy ball inside a spray-paint can.
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the action movie who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid)adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
MOPHENES (mo' feenz)n. The semi-truck headlights that invade your motel room at three in the mornin.
FRUSTRA (frus' trah)n. The special plastic used in the manufacture of fast-food ketchup packets.
NEUTRON PEAS (new' tron peez)n. Tiny green objects in TV dinners that remain frozen even when the rest of the food has been microwaved
beyond recognition.
BOVILEXIA (bo vil eks' e uh)n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!!" everytime you pass a cow.
MITTSQUINTER (mit' skwint ur) n. A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing the ball, as if, somehow the cause of the error lies there.
FRANKFLUID (frank flew' id)n. The liquid at the bottom of hot dog packages.
PHOSFLINK (fos' flink)v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if, somehow, that will bring it back to life)
AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um)n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the
drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.
CUSHUP (kush' up)v. To sit down on a couch somehow causing to cushion next to you to rise.
BURBULATION (ber byu lay' shun)n. The obsessive act of opening and closing a refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the little automatic light comes on.
PEDLOCK (ped' lahk)n. The condition of a bicycle pedal wedging itself against your leg.
SURFUSING(n) - The act of pretending to read while watching TV also, or vice versa
CARPERPETUATION(n) - The act of running a piece of lint over with the vacuum cleaner at least three times, picking it up, examining it,
and setting it back on the carpet to give the sweeper one last chance
THINGAMAJIGGIT(thing-ah-ma-jig-it)adj. - anything that you can't define... (eg. "Yesterday me and my friends went to see the movies and
the star was holding the thingamajiggit and it was SO VERY COOL!)
DUMLOCK (dumb'lock) - The art of hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock and going back to sleep, over and over and over....
DUMLOCKARIAN (dumb'lock arian) - A person who practices the art of DUMLOCK *I'm a perfectionist at it, hehe*
COMPENNVIE (comp' envy) - 1. The emotion felt when you realize a computer is not just as smart as the person using it. Its 20 times
smarter. 2. The emotion felt when a computer error message continuously pops up, but no programs are affected by it. 3. The satisfaction
received after taking a sledge hammer to your monitor.
COMPENNVIAN (comp'ennvian) - Someone who takes a sledge hammer to their computer monitor.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj.Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v.To sterilise the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n.The actions of two people manoeuvring for one armrest in a movie theatre.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n.The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n.The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.The
act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
FURSTRATION - that instantanious moment when you realize you've misspelled a word and have to decide if you want to A) delete and type
it again B) move the cursor back and fix it C) ignore it
NAPDUCATION: the stuff that you learn while you're asleep in class. usually just bits of words, half of equations.
NAPEDEXPERTS: those lucky kids who, when they get woken up to answer a problem, manage to answer it right.
MEMNANTS (mem' nents)n. The chipped or broken m&m's at the bottom of the bag.
SUPBBLING (spub' ling)v. The superhuman feat of trying to wash one's hands and manipulate the "water saving" faucets at the same time.
SCANDROIDS (skan' droydz)n. The striped price codes which mysteriously began appearing on consumer products a few years ago.
DOOR SLINKY (dor slin' kee)N. The springy device attached to the back of a door that prevents the door from marring the wall.
TOASTATE (tohs' tayt)v. To impatiently pop toast up and down in the toaster, thus increasing the likelihood of burning it.
BATHQUAKE (bath' kwake)n. The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is tured to a certain point.
POCKALANCHE (pok' uh lansh)n. Perpetual action of reaching down to pick up an item fallen from a shirt pocket, only to have another item
fall out.
BIZOOS (bih zews')n. The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball.
NURGE (nerj)v. To inch closer to a stoplight thinking that will cause it to change quicker.
SNORFING (snorf' ing)n. The little game waitresses love to play of waiting until your mouth is full before sneaking up and asking, "Is
everything okay?"
CHICLEXODUS (chik ul eks' oh dus)n. Any attempt by a gum ball to sneak out of the chute and roll past the buyer.
TILE COMET (tyl kom' it)n. Any streamer of toilet paper attached to your heel as you emerge from a public restroom.
UNIPEA (yew' ni pee)n. A peanut with only one compartment.
BLITHWAPPING (blith' wap ing)v. Using anything but a hammmer to hammer a nail into the wall, such as shoes , lamp bases, doorstops,
etc.
DASHO (da' show)n. The area between a car's windshield and dashboard, where coins, pencils, etc cannot be humanly retrieved.
JAVA-VU (jah' vah-voo)n. Phenomemon of constantly adjusting the sugar/cream level of your coffee to your liking, only to have a waitress
come along and ruin it again.
BACKSPUBBLE (bak' spuh bul)n. Dishwater that disappears down one drain of a double sink and comes up the other.
McMONIA (muk moan' ee uh)n. (chemical symbol: Mc) Noxious gas created by fast-food employee mopping under your table while you're
eating.
ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
STRUMBLE (strum' bul)n. That invisible object you always pretend made you trip, when it was actually your own stupid clumsiness.
SUCCUBEEBISH (suk yu be' bish)n. The gelatinous substance found surrrounding canned hams and vienna sausages.
CELLOSTATIC (sel oh stat' ik)adj. The electrical property of cracker and cigarette wrappers that causes them to stick to your hand.
BUTTNICK (but' nik)n. The crevice on an ashtray where the cigarette rests.
TWINKIDUE (twin' kee dew)n. The residue on the inside of the wrapper that every junk food addict eventually gets to.
GANGLOOT (gan' glewt)n. Person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people.
CHEERIO-MAGNETIZATION (cheer ee oh mag net i zay' shun)n. The tendency of the last four or five cheerios in the bowl to cling together for
survival.
DRYLOWGRAPHS (dry' loh grafs)n. Strange, unintellibible symbols that accompany the washing instructions on clothing labels.
DOGNUT (dawg' nut)n. The giant nut on the side of a fire hydrant.
SCHNUFFEL (shnuf' ul)n. A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling your crotch in mixed company.
BANECTOMY (bah nek' to mee)n. The removal of bruises on a banana.
NERKLE (nur' kel)n. A person who leaves his Christmas lights up all year.
MAGNIPHOBIA (mag ni fo' be uh)n. The fear that the object in the side mirror is much much closer than it appears.
SCHLATTWHAPPER (shlat' wap ur)n. The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your
face.
FLUGGLING (flug' ul ing)v. The dangerous practice, in a darkened room, of using one's finger to guide the end of an electrical plug into a
wall socket.
CLUMFERT (klum' furt)n. The invisible extra step at the top and bottom of a staircase. Usually materializes when one is carrying a large
bag of groceries.
RICEROACH (rys' rohch)n. The burnt krispie in every bowl of Rice Krispies.
PORKUS NON GRATIS (por' kus non grat' is)n. The scraggly piece of bacon at the bottom of the package.
XIIDIGITATION (ksi dij i tay' shun)n. The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made by deciphering the roman numerals at
the end of the credits.
TRIDECKPICK (try dek' pik)n. A miniature sword or similar device used to hold a sandwich together.
VENDOVALUEIST (ven doh val' yew ist)n. A person who inserts his change according to value (nickels, dimes, quarters.
SUBATOMICTOASTICLES (sub ah tom' ik toh' stik uhlz)n. Tiny fragments of toast left behind in the butter.
MAGNAGRAM (mag' nuh gram)n. Any sign that takes on a new meaning when a magnetic letter falls off.
XEROXPOX (zee' roks poks)n. Skin disease of copier paper, characterized by the appearance of large black powdery blotches.
GLANTICS (glan' tiks)n. Two people, who, while making out, open their eyes at the same time to see if the other is looking.
GREEDLING (gree' dling)v. Pretending to read the inscription on the birthday card when you really just want to know how much the check
is for.
SCADINK (ska' dink)n. The annoying buildup of ink on the end of a ball-point pen.
NOFLET (nahf' lit)n. The upward swirl of hair found on certain individuals such as Ronald Reagan and Big Boy.
PEDAERATION (ped air ay' shun)n. Perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
DOWNPAUSE (down' pawz)n. The split second of dry weather experienced when driving under an overpass during a storm.
SERVELENCE (surv' lents)n. The sudden lull in conversation that occurs at a table of diners when the food is served.
PELP (pelp)n. The crumbs and food particles that accumulate in the cracks of dining tables
TOILET TOUPEE (toy' lit too pay')n. Any shag carpet toilet cover that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to
male users.
MOTODRIFT (moh' toh drift)n. The mistaken belief at a stoplight that your car is moving backward when, actually, the car beside you is
moving forward.
SCHWIGGLE (shwi' gul)n. The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil.
BLIBULA (blih' byu luh)n. The spot on a dog's stomach which, when rubbed, causes his leg to rotate wildly.
VEGELUDES (vej' eh loodz)n. Individual peas or kernels of corn that you end up chasing all over the plate.
ZIPPLE (zi' pul)n. A broken poptop on a beer or soda can.
TUBSWIZZLE (tub' swib zuhl)v. To slide oneself back and forth in the bathtub in order to mix the too hot water with the cooler water.
UMBILINKUS (uhm bih link' us)n. The tiny appendage at the end of a link sausage.
RUBBAGE (rub' bij)n. Large pieces of truck tire found on the side of the road.
IGNISECOND (ig' ni sek und)n. The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying "my keys
are in there!"
PUPSQUEAK (puhp' skweek)n. The sound a yawning dog emits when it opens its mouth too wide.
SLOOPAGE (slu' paj)n. The tendency of hot dogs, hamburgers, and sandwich contents to slip from between their covers.
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I got this list from http://www.ipatd.blogspot.com/
The creator of THIS specific list in this location did not come up with the content of it. They were simply sharing it with other people to spread the funniness.
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* - Even though I did not make these up, please do not use this list specifically without giving credit to your source. If you found this somewhere else before, that's okay. If you print out this list, please leave this notice in place. Thank you. - *
CHECKUARY (chek' yew air ee)n. The thirteenth month of the year. Begins New Year's Day and ends when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
EXPRESSHOLES (eks pres' holz)n. People who try to sneak more than the "eight items or less" into the express checkout line.
BUCKLINT (buck' lint)n. The fine red and blue threads running through new dollar bills
BUBBLIC (buh' blik)adj. Addicted to the systematic popping of the bubbles in packing material.
UNFARE (un fayr')n. The dollar you owe the cab driver before you've even moved a foot.
ELBONICS (el bon' iks)n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
CHUBBLE (chuh' bul)n. The aerobic movement combining deep-knee bends and sideward hops used when trying to fit into panty hose.
ZEBRALANE (zee' bruh layn)n. The striped area between the interstate and the turnoff lane where cars go when drivers can't decide what to do next.
SCRIBLINE (skrib' line)n. The blank area on the back of credit cards where one's signature goes.
CHAIN GANG WALK (chayn gang wok)n. Activity observed in the footwear section of cheap department stores where the shoes are wired together "for your convenience."
FURNIDENTS (fer' nih dents)n. The indentations that appear in carpets after a piece of furniture has been removed.
PERCUBURP (per' kyu berp)n. The final gasp a coffee percolator makes to alert you it is ready.
ALPONIUM (al po' nee um)n. (chemical symbol: Ap) Initial blast of odor upon opening a can of dog food.
SHUGGLEFTULATION (shug lef tuyl ay' shun)n. The actions of two people approaching, trying to get around each other, and muttering "thanks for the dance."
OPUP (op' uhp)v. To push one's glasses back on the nose.
NAPJERK (nap' jurk)n. The sudden consulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.
SLURM (slerm)n. The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
BARGARCS (bar' jarks)n. The streaks on a car's windshield from faulty wipers.
WONDRACIDE (wun' druh side)n. The act of murdering a piece of bread with a knife and cold butter.
COEGGULANT (ko eg' yu lent)n. The white things in a plate of scrambled eggs.
YINKEL (YIN' KUL)n. A person who combs his hair over his bvald spot, hoping no one will notice.
HOUNDWOUNDING (hownd' wown ding)n. Canine act of circling a spot three or four times before settling on it.
ANTALIXIC (ant a lik' sik)n. One who passes over licorice jellybeans.
EASTROTURF (ee' stroh terf)n. The artificial grass in Easter baskets.
CHOCONIVEROUS (chahk o niv' ur us)adj. The tendency when eating a chocolate Easter bunny to bite off the head first. Or chocolate
Aaron's!
ZIZZEBOTS (zi' ze botz)n. The marks on the bridge of one's nose visible when glasses are removed.
RAMPRIOT (ramp' ry uht)n. Free-for-all that erupts as soon the stewardess utters the phrase, "please remain in your seats until the plane has come to a complete stop."
ELEVERTIGO (el uh vur' tig oh)n. The sensation one experiences when an elevator stops or takes off too suddeny.
DIMP (dimp)n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by asking, "Do you work here?"
PERMAPRESSION (pur' muh preh shun)n. The discovery that there is no real difference in the various cycles of your washing machine.
FURBULA (fer' byew luh)n. The designated chewing area on a dog's back.
RIGNITION (rig ni' shun)n. The embarrassing action of trying to start one's car with the engine already running.
YOTATE (yoh' tayt)v. To allow a yo-yo to unwind itself.
MOPEEPS (moh' peeps)n. People compelled to look through the curtain opening of your motel room as they pass by.
MUMMABOLIC CHORUS (mum uh bah' lik ko' rus)n. When three or more people are singing along to a tune and suddenly discover they are all faking their way through the unintelligible lyrics.
NEVITTS (nev' itz)n. The sandpaper-like deposits on a cat's tongue.
CHIPFAULT (chip' fawlt)n. The stress point on a potato chip where it breaks off and stays behind in the dip.
POSTALPORTS (poh' stuhl pawrtz)n. The annoying windows in envelopes that never line up with the address.
BACKSPACKLE (bak' spak uhl)n. Markings on the back of one's shirt from riding a frenderless bicycle.
RELED (ree led')v. To reset all the digital clocks in the household following a power failure.
UMBRACE (uhm' brays)n. The small strap that holds an umbrella in place.
MUMPHREYS (mum' freez)n. (a useless sniglet) Those strange extra digits you find on push-button phone.
STROODLE (stru' dul)n. The annoying strand of cheese stretching from a slice of hot pizza to one's mouth.
ZIPCUFFED (zip' cuft)v. To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.
TIREQUILLS (tyr' kwils)n. The small rubbery prostrusions on new tires.
SPECLUMS (spek' lums)n. The minuscule bumps on a strawberry.
ROVALERT (ro' val urt)n. The system whereby one dog can quickly establish an entire neighborhood network of barking.
GUMMERATOR (bum' uhr ay ter)n. The pointed rubber object on the end of some toothbrushes.
BALDAGE (bald' aj)n. The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering.
UPULS (yu' puls)n. The blank pages at the beginning and end of books, presumably placed there so you can rewrite the ending.
EXASPIRIN (eks as' prin)n. Any bottle of pain reliever with an immpossible-to-remove cotton wad at the top.
CREEDLES (kre' dulz)n. The colony of microscopic indentations on a golf ball.
CABNICREEP (kab' nih kreep)n. The structural condition in which the closing of one kitchen cabinet causes nother to open.
BEAVO (bee' vo)n. A pencil with teeth marks all over it.
SPIRTLE (spur' tul)n. The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.
FICTATE (fik' tayt)v. To inform a television or screen character of impending danger under the assumption they can hear you.
RETROCARBONIC (ret ro kar bon' ik)n. Any drink machine that dispenses the soda before the cup.
TWINCH (twinch)n. The movement a dog makes with its head when it hears a high-pitched noise.
EUFIRSTICS (yew fur' stiks)n. Two people waiting on the phone for the other to hang up first.
UHFAGE (uff' aj)n. The unit for determining a television's age, that is, the amount of time it takes for the picture to appear once the set has been turned on.
PULPID (puhl' pid)n. A kid who enjoys the carton more than the item that came in it.
BRAZEL (brah' zul)n. The scratch plate on a matchbook.
NEGATILE (neh' guh tyl)n. An area of the bathroom floor where, somehow, the scale registers you five pounds lighter.
TEXTLICE (test' lys)n. Those tiny bugs that invade your hair when you're taking an exam.
DILLRELICT (dil rel' ikt)n. The last pickle in the jar that avoids all attempts to be captured.
OPLING (op' pling)n. The act, when feeding a baby, of opening and closing one's mouth, smacking one's lips and making "yummy" noises, in
the hope that baby will do the same.
THERMALOPHOBIA (thur muh lo fo' be uh)n. The fear when showering that some one will sneak in, flush the toilet, and scald you to death.
WOOWAD (wew' wad)n. Giant clumps of stuck-together rice served at Chinese restaurants.
BUSBLENDER (bus' blen dur)n. The device at the front of the bus that tosses your fare around for a while, then swallows it.
METHYLPHOBIA (meth il fo' be uh)n. The fear that you are going to have to pay for the one cent you over- pumped at the self-service station.
FRAZNIT (frahs' nit)n. Any string hanging from an article of clothing, which when pulled causes the article to completely unravel.
BAZOOKACIDALTENDENCIES (bah zew' kuh sy dal ten' den seez)n. The overwhelming desire of most individuals to reach out and pop the giganti gum bubble billowing from someone's mouth.
SNARGLE (snar' gul)v. To lessen the visual impact of a horror movie by filtering it through one's fingers.
MUSQUIRT (mus' kwirt)n. The water that comes out of the initial squirts of a squeeze mustard bottle.
BLOOAGE (blew' ij)n. The residue left on fingers after using an S.O.S. pad.
FLOPCORN (flop' korn)n. The unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker.
GRINTIGER (grin' tuh jer)n. The numbered code on the back of a greeting card that, when deciphered, reveals the price.
CUBELO (kyew' beh lo)n. The one cube left by the person too lazy to refill the ice tray.
PETROOL (pet' rul)n. The slow, seemingly endless strand of motor oil at the end of the can.
GRINION (grin' yun)n. The unsightly indentation in the middle of a belt when it has been worn too long.
WAFTIC (wahf' tik)adj. Describes any person in whose direction campfire or barbeque smoke always blows.
BLURFLE (bler' ful)v. To be caught talking at the top of one's lungs when the music at the bar or disco suddenly stops.
PETONIC (peh ton' ik)adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a houselold pet.
FLOTION (flo' shun)n. The tendency when sharing a waterbed to undulate for five minutes every time the other person moves.
SLOTTERY ANDVENDICATION (slot' er ee and ven' di kay shun)n. A public misdemeanor in which a person gambles on a vending
machine, loses, and tries to exact revenge by kicking it.
MOZZALASTICS (maht suh las' tiks)n. Large deposits of cheese that stick to the top of the pizza box.
GLACKETT (glak' it)n. The noisy ball inside a spray-paint can.
EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz)n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at the action movie who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.
ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid)adj. Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
MOPHENES (mo' feenz)n. The semi-truck headlights that invade your motel room at three in the mornin.
FRUSTRA (frus' trah)n. The special plastic used in the manufacture of fast-food ketchup packets.
NEUTRON PEAS (new' tron peez)n. Tiny green objects in TV dinners that remain frozen even when the rest of the food has been microwaved
beyond recognition.
BOVILEXIA (bo vil eks' e uh)n. The uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell "Moo!!" everytime you pass a cow.
MITTSQUINTER (mit' skwint ur) n. A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing the ball, as if, somehow the cause of the error lies there.
FRANKFLUID (frank flew' id)n. The liquid at the bottom of hot dog packages.
PHOSFLINK (fos' flink)v. To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if, somehow, that will bring it back to life)
AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um)n. The point where the stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the
drinker from (a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.
CUSHUP (kush' up)v. To sit down on a couch somehow causing to cushion next to you to rise.
BURBULATION (ber byu lay' shun)n. The obsessive act of opening and closing a refrigerator door in an attempt to catch it before the little automatic light comes on.
PEDLOCK (ped' lahk)n. The condition of a bicycle pedal wedging itself against your leg.
SURFUSING(n) - The act of pretending to read while watching TV also, or vice versa
CARPERPETUATION(n) - The act of running a piece of lint over with the vacuum cleaner at least three times, picking it up, examining it,
and setting it back on the carpet to give the sweeper one last chance
THINGAMAJIGGIT(thing-ah-ma-jig-it)adj. - anything that you can't define... (eg. "Yesterday me and my friends went to see the movies and
the star was holding the thingamajiggit and it was SO VERY COOL!)
DUMLOCK (dumb'lock) - The art of hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock and going back to sleep, over and over and over....
DUMLOCKARIAN (dumb'lock arian) - A person who practices the art of DUMLOCK *I'm a perfectionist at it, hehe*
COMPENNVIE (comp' envy) - 1. The emotion felt when you realize a computer is not just as smart as the person using it. Its 20 times
smarter. 2. The emotion felt when a computer error message continuously pops up, but no programs are affected by it. 3. The satisfaction
received after taking a sledge hammer to your monitor.
COMPENNVIAN (comp'ennvian) - Someone who takes a sledge hammer to their computer monitor.
AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj.Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v.To sterilise the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.
ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n.The actions of two people manoeuvring for one armrest in a movie theatre.
PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n.The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.
PUPKUS (pup'kus) n.The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n.The
act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n.The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
FURSTRATION - that instantanious moment when you realize you've misspelled a word and have to decide if you want to A) delete and type
it again B) move the cursor back and fix it C) ignore it
NAPDUCATION: the stuff that you learn while you're asleep in class. usually just bits of words, half of equations.
NAPEDEXPERTS: those lucky kids who, when they get woken up to answer a problem, manage to answer it right.
MEMNANTS (mem' nents)n. The chipped or broken m&m's at the bottom of the bag.
SUPBBLING (spub' ling)v. The superhuman feat of trying to wash one's hands and manipulate the "water saving" faucets at the same time.
SCANDROIDS (skan' droydz)n. The striped price codes which mysteriously began appearing on consumer products a few years ago.
DOOR SLINKY (dor slin' kee)N. The springy device attached to the back of a door that prevents the door from marring the wall.
TOASTATE (tohs' tayt)v. To impatiently pop toast up and down in the toaster, thus increasing the likelihood of burning it.
BATHQUAKE (bath' kwake)n. The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water faucet is tured to a certain point.
POCKALANCHE (pok' uh lansh)n. Perpetual action of reaching down to pick up an item fallen from a shirt pocket, only to have another item
fall out.
BIZOOS (bih zews')n. The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball.
NURGE (nerj)v. To inch closer to a stoplight thinking that will cause it to change quicker.
SNORFING (snorf' ing)n. The little game waitresses love to play of waiting until your mouth is full before sneaking up and asking, "Is
everything okay?"
CHICLEXODUS (chik ul eks' oh dus)n. Any attempt by a gum ball to sneak out of the chute and roll past the buyer.
TILE COMET (tyl kom' it)n. Any streamer of toilet paper attached to your heel as you emerge from a public restroom.
UNIPEA (yew' ni pee)n. A peanut with only one compartment.
BLITHWAPPING (blith' wap ing)v. Using anything but a hammmer to hammer a nail into the wall, such as shoes , lamp bases, doorstops,
etc.
DASHO (da' show)n. The area between a car's windshield and dashboard, where coins, pencils, etc cannot be humanly retrieved.
JAVA-VU (jah' vah-voo)n. Phenomemon of constantly adjusting the sugar/cream level of your coffee to your liking, only to have a waitress
come along and ruin it again.
BACKSPUBBLE (bak' spuh bul)n. Dishwater that disappears down one drain of a double sink and comes up the other.
McMONIA (muk moan' ee uh)n. (chemical symbol: Mc) Noxious gas created by fast-food employee mopping under your table while you're
eating.
ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun)n. The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
STRUMBLE (strum' bul)n. That invisible object you always pretend made you trip, when it was actually your own stupid clumsiness.
SUCCUBEEBISH (suk yu be' bish)n. The gelatinous substance found surrrounding canned hams and vienna sausages.
CELLOSTATIC (sel oh stat' ik)adj. The electrical property of cracker and cigarette wrappers that causes them to stick to your hand.
BUTTNICK (but' nik)n. The crevice on an ashtray where the cigarette rests.
TWINKIDUE (twin' kee dew)n. The residue on the inside of the wrapper that every junk food addict eventually gets to.
GANGLOOT (gan' glewt)n. Person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to impress people.
CHEERIO-MAGNETIZATION (cheer ee oh mag net i zay' shun)n. The tendency of the last four or five cheerios in the bowl to cling together for
survival.
DRYLOWGRAPHS (dry' loh grafs)n. Strange, unintellibible symbols that accompany the washing instructions on clothing labels.
DOGNUT (dawg' nut)n. The giant nut on the side of a fire hydrant.
SCHNUFFEL (shnuf' ul)n. A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling your crotch in mixed company.
BANECTOMY (bah nek' to mee)n. The removal of bruises on a banana.
NERKLE (nur' kel)n. A person who leaves his Christmas lights up all year.
MAGNIPHOBIA (mag ni fo' be uh)n. The fear that the object in the side mirror is much much closer than it appears.
SCHLATTWHAPPER (shlat' wap ur)n. The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down, hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your
face.
FLUGGLING (flug' ul ing)v. The dangerous practice, in a darkened room, of using one's finger to guide the end of an electrical plug into a
wall socket.
CLUMFERT (klum' furt)n. The invisible extra step at the top and bottom of a staircase. Usually materializes when one is carrying a large
bag of groceries.
RICEROACH (rys' rohch)n. The burnt krispie in every bowl of Rice Krispies.
PORKUS NON GRATIS (por' kus non grat' is)n. The scraggly piece of bacon at the bottom of the package.
XIIDIGITATION (ksi dij i tay' shun)n. The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made by deciphering the roman numerals at
the end of the credits.
TRIDECKPICK (try dek' pik)n. A miniature sword or similar device used to hold a sandwich together.
VENDOVALUEIST (ven doh val' yew ist)n. A person who inserts his change according to value (nickels, dimes, quarters.
SUBATOMICTOASTICLES (sub ah tom' ik toh' stik uhlz)n. Tiny fragments of toast left behind in the butter.
MAGNAGRAM (mag' nuh gram)n. Any sign that takes on a new meaning when a magnetic letter falls off.
XEROXPOX (zee' roks poks)n. Skin disease of copier paper, characterized by the appearance of large black powdery blotches.
GLANTICS (glan' tiks)n. Two people, who, while making out, open their eyes at the same time to see if the other is looking.
GREEDLING (gree' dling)v. Pretending to read the inscription on the birthday card when you really just want to know how much the check
is for.
SCADINK (ska' dink)n. The annoying buildup of ink on the end of a ball-point pen.
NOFLET (nahf' lit)n. The upward swirl of hair found on certain individuals such as Ronald Reagan and Big Boy.
PEDAERATION (ped air ay' shun)n. Perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
DOWNPAUSE (down' pawz)n. The split second of dry weather experienced when driving under an overpass during a storm.
SERVELENCE (surv' lents)n. The sudden lull in conversation that occurs at a table of diners when the food is served.
PELP (pelp)n. The crumbs and food particles that accumulate in the cracks of dining tables
TOILET TOUPEE (toy' lit too pay')n. Any shag carpet toilet cover that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus creating endless annoyance to
male users.
MOTODRIFT (moh' toh drift)n. The mistaken belief at a stoplight that your car is moving backward when, actually, the car beside you is
moving forward.
SCHWIGGLE (shwi' gul)n. The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a pencil.
BLIBULA (blih' byu luh)n. The spot on a dog's stomach which, when rubbed, causes his leg to rotate wildly.
VEGELUDES (vej' eh loodz)n. Individual peas or kernels of corn that you end up chasing all over the plate.
ZIPPLE (zi' pul)n. A broken poptop on a beer or soda can.
TUBSWIZZLE (tub' swib zuhl)v. To slide oneself back and forth in the bathtub in order to mix the too hot water with the cooler water.
UMBILINKUS (uhm bih link' us)n. The tiny appendage at the end of a link sausage.
RUBBAGE (rub' bij)n. Large pieces of truck tire found on the side of the road.
IGNISECOND (ig' ni sek und)n. The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car door even as the brain is saying "my keys
are in there!"
PUPSQUEAK (puhp' skweek)n. The sound a yawning dog emits when it opens its mouth too wide.
SLOOPAGE (slu' paj)n. The tendency of hot dogs, hamburgers, and sandwich contents to slip from between their covers.
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I got this list from http://www.ipatd.blogspot.com/
The creator of THIS specific list in this location did not come up with the content of it. They were simply sharing it with other people to spread the funniness.
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* - Even though I did not make these up, please do not use this list specifically without giving credit to your source. If you found this somewhere else before, that's okay. If you print out this list, please leave this notice in place. Thank you. - *
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Mozilla Firefox vs. Windows Internet Explorer
Windows Internet Explorer is presumably the best known and most used web browser. Commonly abbreviated IE, it, as the title suggests, browses or explores the internet for you. Personally, I prefer Mozilla Firefox over Windows Internet Explorer. Explorer 7 has taken advantage of “fast” web browsing by allowing users to surf the web using ‘tabbed browsing’. Tabbed browsing has been a tremendously fabulous improvement among today’s internet exploring. It works by showing ‘tabs’ in the browser window that let you jump from webpage to webpage with a single click. The point of using tabs while browsing the internet is so that you have the ability to have more than 1 site open at a time without cluttering the taskbar (the strip at the bottom of your screen that shows the different programs you have open, the start button, the time, etc.) When you have more than 1 tab open in Explorer 7 and you try to close it, it will warn you about closing multiple tabs (can be disabled in the options menu). If you ignore it and try to close the window anyway, it freezes your computer. Or if you try to close the entire window, that can also cause your computer to come to a standstill. In essence, Explorer 7 does not work well with tabbed browsing.
Mozilla Firefox on the other hand, I believe is one of the best web browsers ever. Firefox is more customizable than Explorer, with ‘add-ons’ downloadable from the Firefox website (https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/). From here, you can get a multitude of Mozilla Firefox ‘add-ons’, including FoxyTunes, which allows you to control your iTunes music player from Firefox’s status bar. It allows you to listen to your music while you explore the web without having to switch windows. Other downloadables available on the Firefox add-ons website include ‘themes’, which allow you to modify the display color and layout of the browser window. There are also toolbars you can get that display a notification when you have a new message on MySpace or in your e-mail, ones that allow you to view the HTML or JavaScript content of a webpage (for web developers), and much, much more. Basically, you can do a lot more cool, custom and fun things with Firefox than with Explorer. Speaking of tabbed browsing; with Firefox, you can close the whole window (tabs and all) without freezing up your computer. It displays a confirmation, that says you are about to close “2, 3, etc. tabs” (depending on your settings) and then it closes with no problem.
So to summarize what I have written above; Firefox is a lot better than Explorer. Explorer 7 freezes your computer when you try to close it with 1 or more tabs open, and Firefox doesn’t. Explorer 7 takes a long time to load, whereas Firefox is up almost instantaneously. Firefox is also very customizable, which to a person like me is an indispensable part of my web-browsing experience.
Mozilla Firefox on the other hand, I believe is one of the best web browsers ever. Firefox is more customizable than Explorer, with ‘add-ons’ downloadable from the Firefox website (https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/). From here, you can get a multitude of Mozilla Firefox ‘add-ons’, including FoxyTunes, which allows you to control your iTunes music player from Firefox’s status bar. It allows you to listen to your music while you explore the web without having to switch windows. Other downloadables available on the Firefox add-ons website include ‘themes’, which allow you to modify the display color and layout of the browser window. There are also toolbars you can get that display a notification when you have a new message on MySpace or in your e-mail, ones that allow you to view the HTML or JavaScript content of a webpage (for web developers), and much, much more. Basically, you can do a lot more cool, custom and fun things with Firefox than with Explorer. Speaking of tabbed browsing; with Firefox, you can close the whole window (tabs and all) without freezing up your computer. It displays a confirmation, that says you are about to close “2, 3, etc. tabs” (depending on your settings) and then it closes with no problem.
So to summarize what I have written above; Firefox is a lot better than Explorer. Explorer 7 freezes your computer when you try to close it with 1 or more tabs open, and Firefox doesn’t. Explorer 7 takes a long time to load, whereas Firefox is up almost instantaneously. Firefox is also very customizable, which to a person like me is an indispensable part of my web-browsing experience.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
i am bored....
I am really bored so.....yeah I'm posting this random thing in my blog that really actually doesn't belong here but that I will post anyway because as I mentioned before, I am bored and because I'm bored I am posting/have posted this random thing in my blog even though because its random it shouldn't be in my blog but anyhow it is in my blog now and it was posted because I was bored and posted it here.
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
Can you sitll knid of usterndand waht tihs syas? OMG TATH'S SOOOOO WREID! .....freaky..
If you don't though, it's not that hard to figure out....yeah...hey did you know that i'm inputting (or have inputted) All of the text, etc. in this blog post with...*cue dramatic music* MY AWESOME WACOM TABLET!!!!! yes...be jealous if you don't have one... heh heh heh... What? .........
yeah so back to the posting this because i am/was EXTREMELY bored...yeah so... yeah......please comment this or any of my other posts in this blog...Yeah........
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
*pant*
Can you sitll knid of usterndand waht tihs syas? OMG TATH'S SOOOOO WREID! .....freaky..
If you don't though, it's not that hard to figure out....yeah...hey did you know that i'm inputting (or have inputted) All of the text, etc. in this blog post with...*cue dramatic music* MY AWESOME WACOM TABLET!!!!! yes...be jealous if you don't have one... heh heh heh... What? .........
yeah so back to the posting this because i am/was EXTREMELY bored...yeah so... yeah......please comment this or any of my other posts in this blog...Yeah........
Things You Can Be Jealous Of Me For
omg!
I don't really know what to put here...
So I'll just put this here and go with it.........
Yeah....
So I'll just put this here and go with it.........
Yeah....
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